Persuade Me
by Tedd.E.Bare
Summary: Anne and Fred once dreamt of a life together, but five years ago tough decisions tore them apart. Anne deals with the aftermath of her choices every day, but what happens when circumstances bring them back together? A modern take on Jane Austen's timeless love story, Persuasion. Undergoing a re-write in 2013 and will be updated/relaced slowly over the coming weeks.
1. Chapter 1

**Persuade Me. By Ena**

_The modern Persuasion._

Author's Note: Ah welcome, this Persuasion fic has been getting a long overdue rewrite. With four years having passed since I began, I felt as though I could not leave it the way it was: unfinished and unedited. Updates are supposed to be slow (since I really should be focusing on my uni work) but knowing me and my procrastinating nature means I'll probably have this completely upgraded and finished within the fortnight.

So here it is; over four years overdue, Persuade Me. Redone.

don't forget to review!

* * *

I met Frederick Anthony Wentworth six years ago at university; he was studying engineering and I was a nursing student. The first time I ever saw him was in the East Wing's campus kitchen, where I had been helping my fellow nursing student Jane study before she repaid me with food. Even though dad had set me up in my own apartment, just a few blocks from the university, I found that I spend most of my days on-campus, either studying with friends, or hiding out in the library. My apartment was lonely, its designer interior was unhomely and although heated; it always felt cold.

The second time I ever saw him was the first time I spoke to him. We were once more in the East Wing's kitchen, but this time we were hiding from the pounding music of the Wing's annual pre-Christmas holiday party that was blaring in the next room. Although we weren't alone in the kitchen, the others paid us no attention – too busy as they were doing a range of activities, from holding sculling competitions to looking for a discreet corner to continue snogging in.

I was doing my utmost best to hide my own, free corner in which to hide. Although I had assumed someone as attractive as he already had a girlfriend, I let him get me a drink when he offered, not even caring if he was secretly a creep who was about to spike my drink.

From there on in, we got to know each other – not in the biblical sense, but we sat up on the kitchen bench for hours, ignoring the bass of the music and the noise coming from the mess hall next door. He was the youngest of three; he had an older brother and sister who both lived and worked in London. He was the same age as me, but we were from completely different worlds.

I grew up in the glittery world of the rich and famous; a world of old money and those who rose to their fortunes. Although I never saw the point to bragging about it, my family had long rubbed shoulders with royalty and long gowns and glittery jewels were worn more often than not. My parents paid for exclusive education for my sisters and I; it was a complete contrast for Fred, he went to the local comp, played football on weekends and was more likely to rub shoulders with factory workers and sailors than the rich and influential.

I didn't mind, in truth he was a breath of fresh air into my boring life.

But that was five years ago, and since I screwed us up, my life has been completely void of any fresh air.

0-0-0-0

Now, five years after that fateful evening where I met the love of my life, I find myself working part–time as a nurse in a small Doctor's surgery, completely alone and living next door to my widowed and remarried father, his wife Penelope and my older sister Elizabeth. Mum passed away from heart failure when I was halfway through high school. I think she died of a broken heart, in truth; she was never the same after my dad admitted he was having an affair with one of Elizabeth's fellow model friends Penelope – a woman the same age as one of her daughters, the same shallow, small-minded tart he went on to marry less than a year after mum's death.

My father, Penelope and Elizabeth still lead their overtly extravagant lifestyles, throwing wild parties and attending the fanciest of soirees our country can host. I am forced to attend with them on occasion, wearing one of the five dresses I was forbidden to sell. Despite all this, I know one thing about my family that no one else can see – they're bankrupt and very close to having to declare it too.

I managed to clear my own personal debts by selling off the dresses and finery I simply didn't need. Elizabeth was scandalised, getting rid of nice things always struck a chord in her, and she never accepted my reasons for selling off a whole pile of unwanted Chanel, D&G and Dior gowns. The funds I got from selling the dresses let me buy my own apartment, meeting my father's standard of living, whilst not being too expensive to live in.

The fact that it was virtually next door to my father and sister was just unfortunate – but at least I was close enough for them to come running when something was wrong.

My younger sister Mary lives on the other side of town with her husband Charles, and their newborn son Daniel. Charles' family owns an entire estate so both Charles and Mary live in one of the smaller properties on the estate, a cottage trimmed with honeysuckle and a flowery garden which once would have housed the pastor of the district. My younger sister is a slight hypochondriac, so I find myself over there more often than not.

Aside from my family and my work I have nothing, I am nothing. I live on water, steak and my anti-depressants, I go for runs at ungodly hours of the morning and nightmares plague the hours I sleep. My job is unsatisfying as it is monotonous and with every passing year I feel more and more of myself just giving up. I feel the pressure to be more than I am coming in from all sides, dad wants me to be rich, but not have to work, Elizabeth wants me to be her personal servant, Mary wants me to be her personal doctor and nanny, Penelope wants me far far away and Aunty Agatha wants me to settle down with a nice husband and give her lots of children to babysit on weekend.

Aunt Agatha is the splitting image of my mother, but she possesses the same confidence that graces the rest of my family with the exception of my mother and I. Mum knew for many years that dad was unfaithful to her, but because she loved us kids so much she never left him. Agatha takes great pleasure in trying to run my life, which I've never minded so much, but there was one decision she 'helped' me make that I'll never forgive her for, and that was to end things with Fred.

My family never liked Fred, even when I brought him home to visit them for the first time. Despite his physique, which one him a point in my father's eye, he still didn't come from our social circle, and that made him an unacceptable match for me.

Elizabeth and Penelope turned up their noses at him, Agatha disapproved entirely and my father nodded along sagely with whatever reasons Agatha provided.

He came from a poorer, working class family.

An engineering degree wouldn't lead him to riches.

His upbringing wouldn't have included the refinement that was included in ours.

He wasn't right for me; I wasn't right for him, we were just wrong for each other.

Those words still sting even years after they were spoken.

I left a box of my old stuff from my uni days in the attic room of Dad's house. Full of my old diaries, letters, a few photographs. I couldn't bear to keep them all in my house – the memories associated with them are too painful, but nor can I bear to throw them away; so into my old room at the top of the house they stayed. I thought it fitting, that was the room in which I was last happy, so all the things that reminded me of those happy times should stay in that room.

0-0-0-0

Right now I'm awake, three hours early for work; having awoken early from my usual nightmares. I chow down my bowl of fibre-rich cereal as I put on my running shoes – ready for my morning routine. I slurp down my daily anti-depressants with the last mouthful of milk in the bowl. It's not much, but it's a routine, and I take what I've got and literally run with it.

I pound the pavement for a good hour and a half, getting a good few kilometres in. I return home just as the pre-dawn frost happens. I don't know why it happens, but the half an hour before sunrise the air is coldest and it sucks to run in – so I always try to go before then. The ice has begun to settle on the cement underneath my feet so I make sure I'm careful as I climb the steps back to my front door.

A quick shower and a second breakfast later I turn on the early morning news as I dress for work. There's some piece on about a bridge that's being built and they're interviewing the planning team behind it.

I pause, skirt half-zipped up as a very familiar voice graces my ears. It's _him_. Five years after going cold-turkey, I can see him, I can hear him. I grab the remote and turn the volume up as loud as I dare and grab the sides of my television with my hands. Even heavily pixelated, I feel like he's here with me. I recognise Fred's brother-in-law Adrian, a senior engineer lurking in the background of the interview, gesturing to building plans and the like as Fred talks about how the world is increasingly finding the need for pedestrian bridges. He goes on to talk about rope suspension bridges found in South America and some Pacific islands and how he studied some of them to incorporate into new designs for proposed London cross-Thames pedestrian and vehicular bridges.

This is news to me, whilst I spend most of my days helping elderly ladies get up out of their seats and into Doctor Berry's office and then back out to the pharmacist next door to help them fill their prescriptions – he's been travelling the world, seeing all the sights we once talked about seeing together. We used to talk about going to live in places we were needed; places I could help train nurses and provide vaccinations, places where he could help build homes and shelters. Places in which we could be together.

My own stupid decisions ruined that future, and karma is making me pay for it.

0-0-0-0

By the time I realise I've been sitting on the floor for five minutes, staring blankly at the next few news articles, the sun has started to properly rise and it's almost time for me to leave for work.

I've never been late to work, as a general rule for myself, I'm not allowed to. I have a few rules like that – I'm not allowed to be late to work, I can't forget to take my morning medication and I'm certainly not allowed to go on dates. They're little things, but they keep me going, and as for not dating, well... it's not as though there's anyone who _wants_ to date me, so moot point.

I rush out the front door just as a limo pulls up outside my dad's house. Another all-nighter for Elizabeth, dad and Penelope, who stumble out of the backseat ungracefully and blunder towards the front door, still drunk from their wild night.

They don't even acknowledge me as they pass by, far too eager to seek out the comfort of their own beds. Last night was the 155th annual Royal London Charity Gala and thankfully I got out of it by claiming I had to work late. I've been to half a dozen of the Royal Charity Galas over the past and they are the same monotonous drivel each time. A few speeches, a pile of DJs and lots of alcohol, _lots_ of it, and the culture of rich middle aged people making a fool out of themselves after the paparazzi retires for the night/morning.

I shake my head at them as they leave my sight, my today begins just as their yesterday finishes. Fitting, since we live polar opposite lives. I reach the doctor's surgery just as Doctor Berry arrives in his car. I walk to work most mornings and I don't bother with my car most days, much to the bemusement of my boss and my family. Aunt Agatha always frowns and purses her lips whenever she mentions having seen me walking, she thinks it's unladylike and that my car should be put to good use, after all I'm not a pauper.

Today's agenda is to keep the patients rolling into Berry's office and to get them back to their cars safely, prescriptions in hand. After the last patient rolls out of the door for the day, Doctor Berry and I make house calls until we're done. Then when it hits about six-thirty we're done and he drops me off at the surgery on his way home to his wife, whom he adores and three teenage boys that attend the same school I did growing up.

I walk back home from there and make myself dinner, watching through the window as dad's housekeeper cleans up the kitchen after the chef has finished preparing their usual elaborate French fine food dinner. On the occasional weekend dad makes me come over and spend the afternoon with them, listening to their drivel and the never-ending name-dropping. Most weekends though I get off scot-free, usually getting a call from Mary begging me to come over and make sure she wasn't getting a fever or conjunctivitis or to just make sure she wasn't dying.

At least Mary and Charles were fun to be around.

0-0-0-0

A week passes by in a blur after seeing Fred on the television, my regular routine continues without fault; eat, morning run, work, home eat, sleep, repeat.

Without that routine I fall apart. I've fallen apart before, about six months after I broke off our engagement. It's not a pretty sight and I'm doing my utmost best to make sure I don't let that happen again.

Most people think that others who are in despair usually just cry themselves to sleep every night and mope all hours of the day. But nineteen year old me was a little more dramatic, going absolutely crazy and doing a few regretful things. Of all the things I stupidly did, trying to take my own life tops it. In a haze of illegal substances I bought off the local university dealer I tried hacking into my own skin with a kitchen knife in the bathroom of the apartment dad bought for me to go to uni.

Unfortunately in my drug-addled state I had forgotten that Aunt Agatha and Elizabeth were due to visit me that day. Finding me in the bathtub covered in my own blood and completely out of my mind was probably not the best way to start a shopping trip. For a trip to the psych ward however it was the perfect opening line. After months upon months of endless counselling sessions, I was finally allowed to go home, back to the real life nightmare.

For the first couple of years afterwards, the challenge was trying to juggle uni and the fact that my entire family swept my mistakes under the rug with the words 'you lived, didn't you?' Their blasé attitude didn't bother me as much as how easily they managed to go on with their daily lives as though someone related to them didn't nearly just die a tragic, drug-addled death.

If the situations were reversed, I would have at the very least shown some concern.

I don't dwell on it though; my family have never been one for sentimental things.

0-0-0-0

I spend my weekend with Mary and Daniel whilst Charles is away on a business trip. We talk all afternoon, and I decide that out of my two sisters, Mary's definitely my favourite. She reminds me a little of mum, her maternal nature towards Danny always makes me smile. Although Mary and I were both fairly young when we lost her, I still think Mary's has all of mum's mannerisms. She also inherited mum's grace and quiet confidence, something that missed me completely in the genetic makeup.

As I'm out getting groceries to make us lunch with, my phone rings; dad's called me to let me know that he, Penelope and Elizabeth are moving temporarily to Milan for the fashion season and that they're renting out their house to a couple for six months. This doesn't bother me too much, but then dad goes on to inform me that I have to remove my junk from my old room as the couple would use my old room as a spare room for the woman's brother when he came to stay. As I'm trying to decide whether to get Iceberg or Cos lettuce my father drops the biggest bombshell and I nearly drop my basket from the shock. The tenants that dad has accepted are Sophie and Adrian Croft, a lovely couple – but it's my previous tentative connection to them that has my entire being shutting down.

Sophie is Fred's older sister, whom I met a couple of times when Fred and I were dating. That's not what worries me, living next door to the woman who may or may not remember the girl who broke her baby brother's heart half a dozen years ago; it's the fact that he'll be coming to stay with them for an unknown period of time in the next six months and very likely sleeping in the very same room in which I broke his heart.

I'm sure there's an ironic statement in there somewhere, but right now I'm trying to not drop my phone, the shopping basket and a handful of lettuce leaves that I picked up.

Fred's coming back into my life and I'm definitely not prepared.

* * *

**AN:  
**yay! thanks for sticking around, this is the first redone chapter, so if you read on and it makes no sense, that's because the next one isn't up yet (so don't freak, it's not far away)

many thanks, don't forget to Review!


	2. Chapter 2

**Persuade Me. By Ena**

_The modern Persuasion._

Author's Note: Chapter two of the redone version! Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review!

When I get back to Mary and Charles' place I'm grateful that she's upstairs changing Daniel, because I need a few moments of anxiously gripping of the kitchen bench to calm me down. Also because I'm beginning to acquaint myself more intimately with this house, because I'm currently planning to hide out here for the next six months. I make us lunch and warm up a bottle for Daniel and prepare him a bowl of colourful mush.

The car ride back from the supermarket was my major freak out session. I think I had three separate anxiety attacks in the car, each one just as bad as they used to be when I was at uni. I make a mental note to make an appointment with Doctor Sanders in the coming weeks because I'm completely and one hundred percent sure my current medication is not going to be effective in dealing with the onslaught I know is about to start.

Mary doesn't notice anything different with me, or if she had, she mentioned nothing throughout the rest of the afternoon. Charles comes home from his business trip, and as he hugs my twenty-two year old sister, I feel like I'm intruding on a personal moment so I quickly take my leave.

The drive back to my empty apartment is a short one, and I find that dad wants me over for dinner, since they all leave on Friday. Mostly the conversation revolves around their upcoming trip, the fashions Penelope and Elizabeth will be modelling and the art deco apartment they've rented. Apparently their money problems have been discussed at length with Aunt Agatha, who managed to convince them of my idea, to find a place that was both acceptable to their standards, yet would be inexpensive enough to provide some form of income to pay off debts from their house here in England.

Dad also tells me that they'll roll out the sofa bed for me come visit for the week sometime during the fashion season, and that they've already booked my tickets for August, the week where they showcase London designers and Elizabeth and Penelope's busiest weeks in the whole of the fashion season. I'm sure I'll spend the whole week there doing something, being a personal servant perhaps? I nod along to their conversation over the three-course meal, relieved when it nears midnight and I can take my leave. I love my family, but they exhaust me.

Work continues as normal, but the anxiety attacks return and in greater force than they have ever before. They reach a whole new level the day I see the family off at Heathrow, the same day that Adrian and Sophie Croft move in next door.

When I get home from the airport, there's a moving van outside dad's house, but I drive onwards to the supermarket to get some fresh vegetables and meat for tea. Although I'm currently calm, I can feel a slow rising of emotions and I need to get some form of control over it before I come face to face with Sophie. If I remember her correctly, she has the same cheekbones as her brother, but I remember she had the most piercing blue eyes that reach down to your soul.

I'm nervous, and a little afraid of living next door to the woman who's a sibling of the guy whose heart I smashed. She probably hates me, she deserves to hate me.

Of course, as karma, fate and whatever God exists all hate me, so as I round the corner and head for the meat section I come face to face with those same light blue, soul-piercing eyes.

She doesn't recognise me.

We trade polite smiles and nods of hello and move on, but on the inside I have turned to mush. Partially relieved, I continue my groceries and try my hardest to not cry. _She doesn't recognise me_.

I return to my car afterwards and from my rear view mirror I see her load her groceries into a large, black SUV behind me. I pull out and onto the road quickly, eager to hide away in my apartment and never ever see the light of day again.

I'm being overly dramatic of course, but I figure I deserve a little self-sympathy in the face of all my sins coming back to haunt me.

0-0-0-0

For the first couple of days I manage to hide out, my daily schedule making it easy. A run at six am, then working from sunrise until after sunset makes it simple to avoid my new neighbours; it comes from years of experience of avoiding my family. But on the first Friday my work day ends early and Mary hasn't called me with a crisis, meaning I can head home and relax in my bathtub with a glass of wine and a banana muffin.

I get home before six, and find myself at a loss for something to do, so I use the time to make a fresh batch of banana muffins and search the hidden depths of the back of my pantry for a bottle of wine. As I'm pulling the muffin tray from the oven a gentle knock comes from the front door and my heart stops yet somehow simultaneously start beating double time. Realistically I know who's at the door, but there's still a part of me who's remaining optimistic – maybe it's religious callers.

But no, it's the couple that I've been studiously avoiding for the past few days. My half-concocted plan of taking a three hour bath goes out the window as I open the door to my new neighbours. Sophie and Adrian are standing there, bright smiles on their faces, dressed in clean work clothes and looking as though their day has barely begun, whereas I've been awake for thirteen hours, my work clothes have seen better days, I have a filthy apron on and a smudge of muffin batter across my cheek. I do the polite thing and invite them in, offering one of my muffins and a drink. When they're seated in my tiny living room I head to the kitchen in a futile effort to make myself look decent before I bring them their refreshments.

In truth, the whole thing should have been worse than it ended up being. She may have recognised me as the woman she saw in the supermarket, but there's no recognition of me being the girl who once cruelly dumped her baby brother. _Have I really changed so much?_

Towards the end of their stay, they mention offhand that dad wanted me to pick a few of my old things up that were left in my old attic room before the room was put to use, and I said I'd likely pick them up in the morning. Sophie and Adrian agreed, which was fortunate because I would need to be awake to deal with that mess and at that moment, being awake was one of the things I was not.

They eventually leave, and I feel a little less anxious about the coming days and weeks. _One day at a time, Annie_, I tell myself repeatedly as I grab myself another muffin and fill a wine glass with the dessert wine I found. I run myself a bath and soak for a bit, letting the hot water flow over my tired body.

0-0-0-0

The next morning, bright and early, I find myself awake at a much later hour than I'm used to. The sun is already starting to rise and I realise I've slept nearly ten hours straight. Luckily I get Saturdays off, and I feel completely at ease as I roll out of bed to use the bathroom. I peek out the curtain to see that a light rain has fallen overnight, but the cloud cover has trapped in some of the heat from yesterday's sun – so I decide to go for a run anyways. I have muesli and yoghurt, a special treat for when mornings like this happen. I then go for a run, managing to get to five kilometres before my lungs start to hurt. Today I'm expected at Mary's in-laws for lunch, so I walk back to my apartment slowly, revelling in the feeling of the drizzle that's just begun.

I'm nearly soaked through before I reach my place, opting to run the last three blocks just so I can hop into the shower sooner. Getting the key out of my pants pocket is difficult, the rain, although heavy is cold and my fingers went numb quickly, despite my recent cardiovascular activities. Out of the corner of my eye I can see the Crofts next door, peering at me through the window. I ignore them and try not to think of how much I must resemble a drowned rat at that moment – for my hair is plastered to my face and neck, and my clothes are hanging off me heavily with all the water. After a few short fumblings I manage to get the key into the lock and myself out of the rain. I glance at the clock in my kitchen on the way to the bathroom, it tells me it's nearly eight and I've been exercising for less than an hour.

Normally I'd be disappointed, but today I find that I don't care. I can always make up for it later in the day. It's a Saturday, so I don't have work today and as I don't have a hobby, I'm at a bit of a loss. Luckily I didn't have to wait long, Mary calls me before eleven and begs me to join her for lunch, apparently Charles' parents are hosting a weekend lunch and she wants me there so she doesn't have to deal with the over-enthusiastic twins that are her sisters-in-law.

I personally like the twins, at nineteen; they are both in their second year of university. Hennrietta is studying a combined business management and law degree and her equally as bright sister Louisa is currently taking an English literature degree. Aside from their impressive intelligence, they are both at the forefront of the fashion scene. With my sister and step-mother (which I cannot believe she is less than ten years older than I am, only a year or two older than Elizabeth) modelling for some of the biggest British fashions, the four of them get along surprisingly, always ready to talk about floral patterns and how awful that recent shoulder-pad phase was.

Mary has always been a bit hesitant towards both Henn and Lou, since the two of them are always so hyperactive and passionate about everything they love. Their constant optimistic attitude wears Mary out a bit, since they don't fuss over her like I do.

I end up driving to Mary and Charles' place, it's not too far to walk, but since I'll be at lunch with his family; I want to look half-way presentable to the Musgrove's. Mary is nearly in a state because the top she wanted to wear now has baby drool all over it and Daniel has been crying for the past fifteen minutes and she can't figure out what he wants. I take him out of her hands and direct Mary towards the bathroom where I continue rocking Daniel on my shoulder with one arm, and wet through a face washer with the other and do my best to wipe her top free of the saliva. Daniel quietens a little as I finish wiping Mary's top and when she's all clean, she rests her head on my free shoulder, mumbling her thanks and dipping under my free arm so I'm firmly wrapped around the two of them.

'I honestly don't know what I'd do without you Annie,' she says into my ear, 'I'm not kidding, you are never allowed to leave me.'

I find myself grinning and I wriggle out of her grasp and hand her back her now-quiet infant.

'Same with you, baby sister,' I kiss her forehead, 'don't get too independent, or I'll be out of my primary job.' I joke.

She looks up at me and grins, 'Never, "Mum Mark II". I'll always need my responsible older sister to help save my days.'

I grin back at her as she uses the old nickname she had for me. After we lost our mother I stepped up at home to help take care of my sisters and dad, the then thirteen year old Mary had a penchant for Marvel comics and nicknamed me "Mum Mark II", something to do with Iron Man and his suits.

We pile into their car a few minutes to twelve and head on over to the Musgrove manse, where there's the outdoor marquee on the side garden all set up and ready for us to eat. Mrs Musgrove fusses over Mary and Charles, coos at Daniel and admonishes me for looking so pale. If I am Mary's Mum Mark II, then Mrs Musgrove easily is Mum Mark III. She has this maternal instinct towards everyone, and with four kids of her own, and one grandchild, it's not hard to see why.

She bundles us towards the shade of the marquee and makes Mary hand Daniel to me as someone's just arrived that she wants Mary to meet. Mary gives me a look as her mother-in-law drags her back the way we just came and grabs onto Charles before he can escape unscathed. I give her a look in return, just as they disappear behind the neatly trimmed hedges.

Daniel is now asleep, successfully succumbing to the efforts of both Mary and I before we got in the car. He's only a few months old, so he's not uncomfortably heavy, but he's still a deadweight. I find my seat, a little name card with my name on next to Mary's. I peer up and down the long table to see who the lunch guests are. Some names I recognise from previous luncheons, but there are ones out of my sight, on the other side of the table that I can't see. Most people are milling about, bits of conversation float over my way, instead I look down at Daniel, watching at how his eyelids flicker as he dreams.

'He's adorable,' came a voice from behind me, 'is he yours?'

I twist my head and see Sophie Croft and her husband standing a few feet behind me, I'm surprised, not having expected to see them.

'No, no,' I stutter in reply, 'he's my nephew Daniel. Mrs Musgrove dragged Mary and Charles away for a minute to talk to a few people, since he's asleep Mary handed him to me so he didn't wake up and fuss.

Sophie sat down next to me and leant over to see Daniel properly. 'He is beautiful, I keep trying to convince Adrian we should have some soon, but he's convinced that our two nieces are enough children in the family for a couple of years. One of my brothers got married about three years ago and they had twins like a second later.'

I froze for a moment as I absorbed what Sophie had said. There were two Wentworth brothers, the elder, Edward who was a lawyer and Fred, the engineer. I'd only met Edward once, so I had no idea which one she could have meant. I silently prayed she meant Edward, but I feared she meant Fred. I had to relax before she noticed my tense shoulders and somehow change the subject before I over thought what she had said.

Fate somehow intervened, for once on my behalf and Daniel awoke, wriggling in my arms and grabbing into my hair. To calm myself, I directed all of my focus onto him, lifting him upright in my arms and letting him face plant on my neck. It was one of his favourite positions when I was cuddling him and I let him rest there.

By then Mary and Charles had met all the necessary people and had sauntered back over to the marquee, where I made the introductions. Sophie was then able to put all the twisted familial connections together, and realised that Mary and I were the younger children of the man whose house she was living in.

'Of course, now I recognise you from some of the photos in the upstairs parlour of your dad's place. I feel bad for not realising sooner, however Miss Anne here has been quite elusive for the past week.'

Mary sat down on my other side and petted Daniel's head gently, not taking him off me so as not to disturb him, 'I know how difficult Anne is to catch; she get up every day at some ungodly hour to go for a _run_ and then she works all day until sunset.' She grinned at me after she had rolled her eyes at me for Sophie to see. I stuck my tongue out at her.

As it turned out, Sophie and Adrian were to sit opposite us, next to Mrs Musgrove and someone older that I didn't know. Daniel woke up halfway through lunch and Mary took him inside for a feed. I did my best to ignore the glances I knew Sophie was throwing my way. I tried to focus on my food, some kind of chicken wrapped up in cheese and green things, but my appetite had disappeared with the words "my brother got married".

0-0-0-0

Lunch mercifully ended after a few hours, and we got to say our farewells and head home. It wasn't too long afterwards that I said my own farewells and headed back to my home. It was too early for dinner, and the weather was still good, if a little on the cooler side. I ummed and 'ahh'ed for a few minutes, but eventually I dragged my butt into action and put on my running gear again.

As I run, I focus on my breathing, and the constant need to put one foot in front of the other. I do not let myself think about a certain man whom I once loved who may or may not be married with kids.

Nope, I am definitely not allowed to think about that.

I think I've managed to go more than I've ever run, so determined I am to not face the events of today. The sun has long set by the time I jog back up to my front door. My outdoor light flicks on as I get close, blinding me momentarily. My body and clothes are soaked through with sweat and my face is burning. My hands are shaking from the adrenaline and I struggle to get the key in the lock. I eventually get inside and collapse on my couch. I don't turn on the television, I don't get up and make myself food, I stay there on that couch until my breath comes back and my legs stop wobbling. Eventually when the headache starts, I get up a down three glasses of water in one hit.

Then I decide upon a shower as I can feel the muscles in my body begin to tense. I'm still not allowed to think about it.

Dinner is a simple affair, as always, a handful of steamed mixed vegetables and a meat patty from the freezer. I eat slowly, watching a Saturday night movie on the television, it's a newish movie, with a star cast, but a terrible script makes it a disappointment. At least it was easy to follow.

I sleep, but I have a hard time of it; waking up at two in the morning with an anxiety attack. I'm surrounded by the sheets I've sweated through, my heart is racing and I can't think straight. I curl up and stick my head in between my knees, repeating the mantra my doctor suggested.

_I will be okay, things will get better. I will be okay, things will get better. I will be okay, things will get better. _

I don't sleep again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Persuade Me. By Ena**

_The modern Persuasion._

Author's Note: Chapter three, oh am I on a roll! Don't forget to review!

March comes and goes and the weather continues to be great as summer starts to rolls in. I get a fortnightly phone call from Milan, with dad updating me on the celebrity world I'm missing out on and how sought after they are for all the after-parties.

I respond where appropriate and thankfully the phone calls never last long. I love my dad and sister, but their lives exhaust me.

April brings someone next door that I expected, but never thought I'd see. Fred. On a weekend when I'm out shopping with Mary and Daniel for clothes, we come across Henn and Lou, who ecstatically start talking about the guy that will be coming to stay next door to me, Sophie's brother Fred. Mary doesn't notice, but even the merest puff of wind could have knocked me over. I tense up so much that not even a hot shower could release the tension in my muscles. Apparently Sophie and Adrian had informed the Musgrove's the day before and he was due to arrive later that afternoon, staying for a few weeks until he gets posted elsewhere on his next engineering project.

I briefly consider abandoning my apartment and just disappearing into the sunset.

Louise goes on to say that they've invited the Crofts and Fred to dinner and that we're all invited to come meet him too. I shudder at the thought of a reunion, and start devising ways for me to get out of it.

My answer comes in the form of a screaming, teething seven month old baby. Mary is frantic, she's trying to comfort him, but he's inconsolable, refuses to sleep and keeps wriggling everywhere. I tell her to calm down, and to go and get ready for the evening out. I can tell she was keen to meet Fred, since she never has before, which was true, she was away on a school camp the one time I brought Fred home. At the same time, she is hesitant about not being near Daniel when he's in such a bad mood, but nor can she realistically bring him to dinner.

In the end, I offer to stay with him so she and Charles can go to dinner, my training as a nurse comforting her in the idea of leaving her child with someone else. I'm also his Godmother and his aunt, so she takes more comfort in that too. They leave and promise to tell me all about him when they get home. I'm left with a still-screaming baby, who's got tear-tracked cheeks and now just wants cuddles. We sit on the couch, his face once more tucked into my neck as I rub the sweet spot on his back that is almost always guaranteed to send him to sleep.

It took an hour, but he started snoring lightly. I pull one of his blankets over him so he could keep a bit warmer. I turn the television on, keeping the volume low so as not to disturb Danny. Another Saturday movie, it's one that Mary made me watch once, Captain America, The First Avenger. I find myself tearing up at the end, when Peggy loses radio contact with the Captain. When I first saw it at the cinema with my then newly-engaged sister, I went home that night and cried my eyes out because of the ending. The look of Peggy's face was one I knew very well, and in the last few minutes I knew just how she would have felt.

It nears midnight before Mary and Charles come home. I had dozed off after turning off the television, and was woken by a gentle shaking of my free shoulder. Mary was smiling down at me from the back of the couch. In a hushed whisper she recounted the dinner, enthusing over how nice Fred Wentworth was. Daniel shifted in my arms and I took the chance to hand him back to Mary and prepared myself to make a quick getaway so I didn't have to hear more.

'He mentioned at one point that had met you and dad and Liz at once when he was here at uni a few years back. I told him that he should go over and reintroduce himself to you, he's quite attractive. Even Henn had trouble keeping her eyes off of him – and Lou, I think she's smitten already.'

I start to panic as I stuff my unread book back into my handbag, undeterred, she continues.

'It's a pity you didn't come along tonight, Sophie and Adrian said they missed you all week and said that you shouldn't work so long.'

I lift my head up and face my blissfully unaware sister, 'I've got to work the hours I work Mary, what else am I supposed to do with my time?'

She snickers and looks pointedly at Daniel, now comfortably nestled in his mother's arms. 'Pop out a baby or two? I'm the only one who's given dad a grandchild so far, plus I know you're good with kids, you're practically a natural mother, after all, you pretty much raised me.'

I give my sister a lopsided smile, half because I forget she can be so sweet sometimes and half because she has no idea that _that_ is the reason why I work so many hours – because there's no one to go home to.

I pull her into a farewell hug, 'one day baby sister, you'll be an aunty; whether it's my kids, or Liz's kids, or even Henn or Lou's kids – but fear not, you will have nieces and nephews to deal with.'

She grins at me as I release her, her nose scrunching up in a way that Charles loves. I grasp her shoulders and direct her towards the kitchen, where her sleepy husband is making them both cups of tea.

'I love you both, but heading home now, I'll see you both tomorrow for afternoon tea?'

They nod and I hug them both another time before I let myself out.

The drive back to my house is short, the roads empty and the street lamps illuminating the pavements in soft circles of orange light. I park my car and without looking to see if any lights are still on next door, I go inside and head straight to bed; completely prepared for another unsatisfying sleep.

0-0-0-0

It's not even three in the morning when the first nightmare wakes me. Once more my sheets are soaked through and the cold sweats have drawn all the warmth out of me.

_I will be okay, things will get better. I will be okay, things will get better._

Things don't get too much better that night. I sleep right through to six am, and drag out of bed, pour myself a strong coffee and get ready for my morning running ritual. Out of the side of my eye I see a shape in next door's kitchen. It's still quite dark, so I can't make out who it is, but whoever is awake in that house is having breakfast. Whoever it is opens the fridge and the light illuminates their profile. I gasp, I know exactly who that is, and their surname isn't Croft.

He's really in the house next-door. After a five year void, and then seeing him on my television that morning a few months back, I have had no contact with Fred, I've only seen his face in my old photos and even then, they were mostly tucked away in my boxes.

I stop and remember that I never actually got the chance to pick up my boxes of junk from next door before Fred moved in. A fresh wave of distress hits me; he wouldn't be so snoopy as to go through my personal stuff, would he? I resolve to get them as soon as possible, preferably with Fred far away from the house, I don't think my nerves could take it.

0-0-0-0

It seems fitting to me that today's run takes place in that pre-dawn freeze when the air is at its coldest. Every step I remind myself that I have definitely earned the pain my lungs are feeling, that icy burn that reminds me I'm alive. I don't beat my personal best that morning, I don't trip over and break my leg in a ditch, I don't meet my end with a vehicle coming my way. It's like every other morning I've had for the past three years, only I know that whatever happens today will probably have a ripple effect on the rest of my existence. Chances are ridiculously high I'll be forced into a reunion with Fred, and it'll take all I've got to not fall to my knees and beg him to grant me forgiveness for all the things I said and did five odd years ago.

I keep running. This is what I know to do, I know how to run eight kilometres without stopping, I know what medications I need to give to my patients, I know how to support the weight of elderly ladies and gents without breaking my back (lift with your knees, not your back). I no longer know how to be in a relationship; I successfully massacred my last attempt and now I'm too scared to try again. I also don't think I deserve it; after all, breaking off your engagement in your childhood bedroom kind of ruins the ambient nature of the place, I feel like I've destroyed the sanctity of the childhood bedroom and the gods of childhood innocence will forever be angry at me for it.

I try to not use my morning routine as a metaphor to my approach to life. I'm not running _from_ anything, and even if I was, I always come back – there's nowhere else for me to go. I reach my home not long after, hands are once more shaking from adrenaline, my face is red, and my hair messed up. I jump into the shower gratefully, and let the hot water sooth my racing heart. I was about three blocks from home when the attack came, out of nowhere really, but all I wanted to do was curl up behind the trashcans and scream.

Instead I sit on the floor of the shower and let the tears fall.

_I will be okay, things will get better. I am not okay because things aren't getting better._

0-0-0-0

I make a sponge cake for afternoon tea; Mrs Musgrove always fusses when I bring things to her meals, but serves them up nonetheless and always compliments me on my cooking skills. As I whip up the milk into cream in the bowl, I hear a gentle knock on the front door. I brace myself for the worst case scenario, but it's only Sophie, holding one of the boxes of my junk. I let her in, and she follows me into the kitchen, following the smell of the cakes that are still in the oven cooking.

'You're house always smells delicious Anne,' she says, smiling, setting down my box on the table 'Adrian's out with Fred at the Musgrove's already, Mr Musgrove wanted to take them out sightseeing or something like that; apparently there's buildings in town somewhere that they "_had to go see"_.'

'Would you like to hitch a ride with me to their place then? I won't be going anywhere beforehand.' I hear myself reply.

She nods, 'That would be lovely.'

We spent a few minutes in the quiet; the hum of the oven fan and the motor of the blender creaming the milk is all that makes a noise. The ding of the timer announces the sponge cakes are ready and I turn them out to cool. The whipped cream filling is nearly ready, and I start on preparing the fruit that will fill the middle too.

'There's something else I wanted to talk to you about in private too, Anne,' she begins hesitantly, 'I wasn't sure when we first moved in whether or not I was thinking of the right person, but I'm sure now.'

I freeze, halfway through slicing a strawberry. This is it, she knows, she remembers and she's about to unleash hell on me.

'I wanted to apologise.'

Wait-what? 'W-what could you possibly have to apologise for?' I manage to splutter when speech returned to me.

'Well, I guess things didn't end so smoothly with my brother a few years back; I was never told much, but I know the breakup between you two wasn't amicable and I wanted to apologise for not having the tact to realise that him living here with us for a few weeks was going to put you in an awkward position.'

I stop her there and find myself needing to sit down. I leave the fruit in its bowl of water and sit at my small dining table. She follows my lead and sits opposite me. I look up at her, and I tell her the truth.

'I was the one who broke up with him. I'm the one that caused all of this and it's all my fault. You don't have to apologise for anything because you've nothing to apologise _for_. If anything I'm the one who needs to spend the rest of my life apologising for making the decisions I did.'

Whether it's out of stupidity, or desperation or grief or what, but I let the tears fall. I've not cried in front of anyone since I woke up in hospital with my arms bandaged up and needles in my arm. In a flash she's by my side, pulling me into a hug and stroking my hair. She whispers how one of my boxes had collapsed the other week and as she was putting my stuff into a new box, she came across my old photo album of Fred and I and all the letters we had written to each other during our relationship. That was what had reminded her that I was who I was.

'It's not your fault dear,' she tells me, 'we are all human and we all make mistakes.'

She releases me and as I bring up my arm to wipe my eyes she notices the ugly scars that mark my arm. I quickly pull my sleeve back down over them and mop up the moisture dripping down my face. She says nothing, and I'm grateful.

Her mobile rings and she shoots me a pity-filled look before heading into the lounge room to answer it. Judging from her replies I assume she's talking to her husband and she's letting him know to not bother driving back here as she's getting a ride with me to the afternoon tea.

When she comes back, I'm dry-eyed and in the kitchen, finishing up my cake. She doesn't bring it up again, and I'm thankful. She offers to dust it with icing sugar whilst I go change, and I accept, quickly changing into clean jeans and a blue blouse and my trust black flats. I don't really bother with my hair, it's unruly at best and I grew it out after uni from the asymmetrical bob I had. Normally I throw it up into a bun so it's out of my face, but today I pin a small piece back so it doesn't fall right into my face.

I splash water on my face and head back out to the kitchen. Sophie has finished, and the cake is finished and ready to eat. I go to the freezer and pull out the two teaspoons I keep in there for times like this. I place them on my eyes, and let the cold take away the swelling in my eyes. It's the one modelling trick that Liz taught me that I've actually remembered. Although the vasoconstriction of the vessels in my eyes is probably not the smartest thing to do, I find myself not caring. If regular injury swelling can handle ice packs for fifteen, twenty minutes at a time, my eyes can deal with two minutes of frozen teaspoon therapy.

0-0-0-0

He didn't recognise me. When Sophie and I arrived, the men weren't back from their sightseeing yet and Mary was in the next room feeding Daniel. Charles asked me about the trip to Milan I was being forced to take, and enthused that Mary and he had been invited to join his family as they were going to the London week of fashion in August to support one of their designer friends who was showcasing their season's collection.

I told him that dad had booked for me to come over on the Sunday beforehand and to stay until the following Sunday. I remembered then that I had to get work off for that week, which would allow some of the other nurses that work there to take on my shifts and earn some extra money for the week. Plus I'm forever covering their shifts and helping to look after their in-home patients too, so all's fair there.

As I stand by the fire, warming up as I chat to Mary the guys arrive, followed by an excited Hennrietta and Louise who are babbling on about someone they knew from university. He walks through the door, larger than I remember, not fat, but muscular. He too has let his hair grow out from the military-style buzz cut that he used to have. He is identical to the face I saw on the television only a couple of months ago, his voice hasn't changed in five years and I want to crawl into a hole and die. It gets worse when he looks right at me, and doesn't recognise me. It's not until Mary introduces me that I see the recognition in his eyes. It's subtle, but I've always been able to read him pretty well, and I can see that he's mentally shut down, not willing to engage me in any form of communication.

I don't blame him. Louise drags him towards my sister to meet Daniel and he angles himself in a way that makes it very clear he wants nothing to do with me. As if the narrowing of his eyes didn't send the message, then the image of his back facing me certainly did the trick.

It hurts a little, but I remind myself that I deserve it.

It's not until the dessert part of afternoon tea do I speak up, and that's only to talk to Mrs Musgrove who has once again admonished me for bringing such an amazing tasting cake. She winks at me from across the table, knowing by now that cooking is the closest thing I have to a hobby, so she lets me get away with it. I'm glad I went with the fresh strawberries today, normally I use raspberries, but the only ones I had were frozen, plus the strawberries were sweet enough to go down easily, but tart enough to remind you that they were indeed there.

Kind of like the secret elephant in the room. Fred did a pretty spectacular job of ignoring the elephant that was me, he sat by Louise and talked to her all afternoon about the places he's been, not once sparing a look my way. For much of the latter half of the lunch, I held onto Daniel, who was once again grumpy and in pain from his teeth cutting through. In return I ignored Fred, and changed the conversation when Mary hinted at me going to talk to him. I brushed the tempting thought off. He made it very clear when he realised who I was that any attempts to interact with him would be unwelcome. I would respect his wishes.

The clock behind us rang in four pm, and it was then that I remembered I hadn't taken my tablets for the day. I was supposed to take them in the morning, but when Sophie came over, I forgot completely. My meds would only be effective if I actually remembered to take them, and today of all days was no exception. Becoming my saviour the second time around was Daniel, who chose that moment to scream out. Mary was instantly freaking out, as was her want, but I soothed her and told her that I would grab him some baby pain-relief from his baby bag, which was next to my handbag in the lounge.

Two birds, one stone.

With the two of us suitably medicated, I returned to the dining table, where the conversations had joined up and everyone was talking about their personal overseas trips. Having my dad as a retired actor would be a benefit in this conversation, but in truth I had always stayed at home whenever dad was filming abroad. The only one he ever took with him on international filming was Liz and that was usually because she had a modelling contract to fulfil at the same time. Mum stayed here with us, and when she passed away I stayed here to care for Mary. Aunt Agatha was a huge help of course, but she wasn't mum.

I'd never even bothered with a passport until my second year of work, and still hadn't ever used it. My stamp in Milan would be the first international trip I would have.

Of course the conversation flowed directly around Fred, his engineering trips taking him to the Andes, Africa, Australia, New Zealand and remote islands in the Pacific. He told stories about eating kangaroo sausages in Perth, eating ostrich eggs in South Africa and being stuck in the Amazon jungle for three days during torrential downpours.

He'd basically been everywhere we said we'd go together and done all the things we once joked about doing together. I feel a little bitter at him; to have actually gone on to do all that stuff, whilst I've been stuck here in suburban England, slaving away in an unsatisfying job in a doctor's office helping to manoeuvre the elderly into and out of Doctor Berry's office. It reeks of unfairness, and I'm more than a little jealous.

0-0-0-0

Out of the gathered party, I leave first. I wave off Mary's concerned look and Mrs Musgrove's disappointed look, claiming a headache from lack of sleep. It's not really a lie, I didn't get much sleep and I feel a killer of a headache coming on. I just lied about how heavily the two were related.

The lack of sleep came from me worrying about today, and the headache came from _dealing_ with today. So in truth there is a common factor linking the two. Henn and Lou come out to the lounge to see me off and as I pick up my handbag, I pick it up wrong, causing all the contents to spill all over the floor. I'm kneeling in a flash, trying to hide my medication before they see it. Louise kneels down beside me and picks up my nearly empty bottle of meds before I notice she's holding it, so intent I am on picking up the rest of my junk and looking for the little bottle she's already holding.

By the time I notice she's holding it, she's already read the label, and since she's smart, she knows exactly what it is. She hands it to me quietly and without saying anything, Henn not even noticing as Lou's head blocked her view. I murmur my thanks and shove it right to the bottom of my handbag, out of sight. She gives me an odd look, but I ignore it and pull her in for a farewell hug.

I then drive home and hide, letting the tears fall for the second time that day. This time however I don't have to stop, so I don't.

For years I entertained the thought of him coming back and we would forget all about my stupid decisions and we could go on living our lives the way we used to talk to, but seeing him today made me realise that those hopes were completely unfounded.

He would never forgive me.


	4. Chapter 4

Previously:

_"We drank our drinks whilst sitting on the sofa set. Louise looked as though something was bothering her, but she didn't say anything. About an hour later, Henrietta and Louise announce that they should get home. We bid them goodnight and they left. Daniel was yawning sleepily and Mary announced that it was his bedtime. He grudgingly went up stairs. I told Mary and Charles that I too was fairly tired, and was really wanting to go to bed early tonight. They bid me good night and I left them. I got into my pyjamas and snuggled under the doona covers on the bed, warming up the sheets. For once, I didn't cry myself to sleep…"_

The next morning I woke at six thirty again, I took my anti depressant and went downstairs to make breakfast. It was like déjà vu, the exact same thing happened, Daniel came down for breakfast, followed soon after by Mary and Charles. I served everyone their pancakes and coffees and sat down with them. We ate in silence again, and after everyone finished, I cleaned up. I announced that I needed to go into town today to get a few things …_namely a prescription refill… _Mary agreed and said it was a great idea, and that she was hoping to go into town to meet up with Henrietta and Louise who were going shopping today. Charles was spending the day with Daniel, so we were free to go.

We left the house at ten o'clock and I drove us into town. Mary spotted Louise coming out of an expensive boutique and asked me to stop so she could join them. Gladly I let her out and told her I'd meet her in half an hour for lunch. I drove towards the pharmacy in silence, there was now only one pill left in by anti depressant bottle, and it was dangerous for me to go without. I had once before, and nearly suicided when I was just a few hours over due for taking it. A shudder shook my shoulders, I didn't want to die, but all the overwhelming emotions, abandonment, loss, pain, shame, horror, disgust at myself all fuelled my need to hurt myself.

Reaching the pharmacy I clambered out after parking in the customer car park, not bothering to lock the door. I went inside and went straight for the prescriptions desk. I waited the fifteen minutes for the prescription to be cleared, and when I got it, I left the pharmacy instantly, I didn't want to be scene here by anyone who I knew, because then people would ask questions… questions I didn't want asked.

I met up with the other girls at the small café we agreed to meet at. We arrived at the same time and I was greeted with Louise and Henrietta's loud squeals of delight. They each hugged me tightly, well as tightly as one can with an armful of shopping bags. We ordered lunch and coffees and the others began gossiping about people they knew but I didn't. I didn't mind though, I was content to sit there quietly, eating my toasted sandwich and sip on my hot chocolate.

We finished eating and gossiping, paid and left to continue shopping. Henrietta dragged me into a dress shop, telling me that I needed another formal dress, because they were having another formal dinner again soon.

I had tried on heaps of cocktail dresses and none of them suited me. We left the sixth boutique we had visited and went to try again with a seventh. We were about to enter the seventh one, when Henrietta spotted someone I wish she hadn't…

"Heya Fred."… _shit._

"hey you two." he replied happily. He made it sound as though he was addressing both of us, but I knew he was solely talking to Henn.

"I'm taking Anne shopping for a new dress for a dinner our family's holding next week sometime. She only owns _one_ dress!" she exclaimed. I looked down, slightly ashamed, I could feel the heat rushing through my cheeks, part embarrassment, part being near him again.

"what have you got planned for this afternoon?" she asked Fred

"Not much, just shopping around today." he replied

"Are you free for the next half hour?" she asked

"yeah, sure I'm not planned for anything" he replied again

"well then, it's settled, I'm sure I could use your help in picking out a dress suitable for Anne, I'm starting to think I may need a guys opinion on this matter, none of the ones she's tried on suit her."

_Shit, shit and double shit._

"Sure." he agreed…_he's fricking agreed to help Henn pick out a dress for me. Oh no…_

We walked into "Shazzy's" dress boutique. Henn and Fred in front and me behind, wishing I was anywhere but here… Henn picked out several dresses from one rack and a couple from another, pushed them into my hands and practically threw me into the change room. The first one I tried on was a shocking shade of violet that clashed horrible with my skin. But knowing I had to show Henn I reluctantly opened the change room door. She squealed in delight at it, but inwardly I hoped she hated it, like I hated it. Looking down at myself I sneered at the dress, wishing it was a different colour. I mean the design itself was pretty, but the colour, hideous. Somehow, Fred must've remembered that I hated the colour purple, because he spoke

"it's a pretty dress, suits you, but the colour doesn't look right, it sort of, washes you out a bit." I looked up at him, and for the first time in five years, our eyes met. In his eyes, an emotion flickered momentarily, before they settled into an indifferent look. I hazarded a guess to say that my eyes showed their usual amount of fear, and self hate, and uncertainty. How I hate my life. I gladly changed out of the purple dress and tried on a simple white one. Stepping out of the change room again, I glanced at Fred and Henn, before turning to look at my reflection in the mirror… I looked like a bride. Admittedly it would have to be an abandoned one, no proper bride would have hair like mine…I turned to look briefly at Henn and Fred, who were staring at me, eyes wide and moths open.

"I-um…" I paused, trying to figure out what to say "n-not this one." I stammered

"but it looks absolutely stunning on you Anne," exclaimed Henn "you look absolutely amazing in it."

"I-it doesn't really suit me, I-I don't really wear white." I continued.

"Don't you think it suits her Fred?" asked Henn

"I think it looks very nice on you." he replied, I drew in a deep shaking breath before saying

"no, I-I won't get it, I'd only ever wear it the once, and I'd probably stain it" I defended_ there was no way I was getting this dress._

Luckily Henn eventually saw sense and let me get out of the white abomination. I took it off and tried on yet another one. This one was a similar design to my blue one, similar in colour as well. I opened the curtains again and walked out smiling, I like this one. I ended up buying the blue dress, mainly because I liked it, and so did Henn and Fred…We met up with Louise and Mary again, who excitedly told us that they had seen Marleise Harville, who had invited everyone over to their house for dinner tonight. Henn turned to me and said it was the perfect occasion for me to wear my new dress. Mary demanded to see my dress straight away, so I pulled it out of the bag and held it out for her. Mary and Louise gushed at it, telling me that I picked a perfect dress. I placed the dress back in the bag.

That evening, back at Mary's house, I found myself sitting in front of Mary's vanity again, with Mary doing my hair. Tonight she was trying something different, instead of a plaited bun she was going for a messy one, but because my hair was so unkempt, it wasn't really working. I could tell Mary was frustrated, each time she pulled the hair elastic out, she pulled it with more force and sighed heavily as she did so. Eventually it got to the point where I placed my hands over hers.

"let me do it." I said, she scoffed disbelievingly

"_Can _you do it?" she asked "can you actually take care of yourself Anne?"

"of course I can, I'm a nurse, I always have to put my hair up, and yes, I an take care of myself." I defended

"I'm sorry," she apologised "it's just, it's just that I was talking to Louise today and she commented on how much different you look than last time she saw you. The exact words she used were 'neglected looking'. seriously Anne, you need a haircut, you have split ends, that have split ends. You own two dresses, one that you only bought today. You barely smile, and when you do, it's obviously fake. Anne, what is wrong?"

"nothing is wrong, the only reason I don't bother with my appearance is because I work a lot, and I don't have time to worry about things like that. Also I'm not used to going to so many formal events, the medical clinic doesn't exactly hold Gala balls every weekend." I spat out, instantly feeling ashamed when I finished. Luckily no one overheard us, Charles was dropping Daniel off at his friend, Lucas' house for a sleepover.

"look I said I was sorry, it's just that the Musgrove's gossip a lot, and they're going to assume that something is the matter, or that you're being neglected, I don't want you to be subjected to that Anne, you're my favourite sister, but you need to start taking a little more care about your appearance." she said a little sadly. I could see that I'd hurt her feelings, so I figured I might as well make her feel better.

"I tell you what," I paused, trying to figure out how to word it "if you help me, I dunno, maybe book a hair cut appointment for me or something, then I promise to start taking care of myself more." _I'm just hoping this doesn't come back to bite me…_

Mary instantly smiled again, her dimples showing

"if you promise to take care of yourself more, then I promise to help you" she said happily, before resuming the attack on my hair.

It took a few minutes for Mary to finish, but when she did, my hair looked as nice as it did the other day. Charles arrived back home and I left their bedroom so he and Mary could finish getting ready.

I sat down on the sofa in the living room, pondering over the promise I had made to Mary. I supposed taking a little better care of myself couldn't hurt. I hadn't really bothered with my appearance since I broke of my engagement with Fred, I no longer saw a reason to…

We left for the Harville's at seven thirty, getting there at about eight. Dinner was already ready so we sat down and started eating straight away. Tonight I was seated next to Harry Harville and Sophie Croft. I enjoyed talking to Harry, he was an insightful eight year old who couldn't wait to be an older brother. In fact that was all he spoke about, he really couldn't wait to meet his little sister. When dessert came, Harry talked no more and was instead tucking into his bowl of ice cream. Sophie had her hands full with Alex and had barely started her dessert, I had nearly finished mine so I offered to look after Alex so she could continue eating.

"again, Anne, I simply have to say this- you are an utter angel when it comes to kids." she exclaimed, before handing Alex, and his milk bottle over to me. She turned to the rest of the table and told everyone

"Just the other day, when we went to see how they were getting on at Kellynch, before we moved in. Anne got us some drinks and we were sitting and chatting out on the porch. Anyways, Alex woke up and knocked my drink all over me. And she held onto him as I was cleaning my top, and he settled down _straight away_. It really was amazing, she must have some gift with kids. Alex is never that quiet when he first wakes up from a nap, but there he was, in Anne's arms, being absolutely perfect." I looked down at Alex and blushed… I really didn't want this topic to start up again… but it did…

"when are _you_ going to settle down and have kids Anne?" asked Mrs Musgrove _shit. Not this again, not with Fred in the room…_

"I-I don't really know," I stammered "I don't exactly have plans anymore." I stole a quick glance at Fred, who was sitting down at the other end of the table, in perfect view of me. He was sitting there stonily, looking at his plate, not touching his half finished dessert. I quickly looked away.

"I think you're going to make a great mother one day Anne, you have the right training, and you're a natural at looking after kids, Daniel, Alex and even Harry here like to be around you," continued Mrs Musgrove "I really can not wait to see you married." I was saved from replying when Alex finished his drink and started whimpering… he needed to be burped… thank you God.

I excused myself from the table and walked into the kitchen with Alex and his 'burping towel' as Sophie put it. I began gently patting and rubbing him back, rocking him slightly… all the while mulling over what had just happened… how embarrassing, being caught out like that, and with Fred there too, I guessed that only four, maybe five of us here tonight knew why I wasn't getting married… I ruined any chance of that five years ago… I thought about those who knew, Fred, obviously, me, Sophie, Adrian and possible Mary, if she remembered what happened all that time ago… but I wasn't too sure if she did or not… she never actually got to properly meet Fred until a few days ago…

Alex gave a loud belch just as Sophie walking into the Kitchen to see how it was coming along.

"phew, I can smell that," she exclaimed, "that was a huge burp." I smiled and chuckled in return. She came up to me and put her plate in the counter, gently rubbing her hand on Alex's back, she looked me straight in the eye and whispered

"Are you okay?" I put on a small fake smile and replied

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise the conversation would go that way."

"it's okay really." I stopped suddenly as Fred walked into the kitchen holding an armful of plates. He too put them on the sink and turned to me, he looked at Sophie, exchanging a look with her before leaving the kitchen. I looked back down at Alex, gripping him a little more tightly, just to make sure I didn't drop him. I drew a reassuring breath, making sure my lungs still worked. I let out the breath in a sigh, and handed Alex back to Sophie. I left the kitchen in front of her, squaring my shoulders, mentally preparing for the odd looks I would get. It seemed as though that everyone had enough sense to let the subject drop because no one spoke about marriage again.

Henn and Louise wanted to go for another walk tomorrow, down in Sapling forest. In the end only a handful of us agreed to go, as everyone else had plans. So Mary, Charles, Henn, Louise, Charles Hayter, Fred and me would be going… this would be interesting… we finished up at the Harville's and said our goodnights. Marleise invited us over for tea again in two nights time, her reason for so many dinners in one week was that she needed something to take her mind off her pregnancy, or else she'd go mad with impatience. Out of courtesy, everyone agreed, probably for the best, Marleise is a wonderful cook.

Mary and Charles' house was much quieter without Daniel there. I immediately took my pills and went to bed, tired physically and emotionally after the long day. The next morning it woke up early again, made the pancakes and waited for the others to get up. Once we had eaten we all got dressed, ready for our walk. Sapling forest bordered the Musgrove's property and a another park with walkways, perfect for a morning walk. Charles drove the short distance to the his parents' house. We got there just as Fred did, and just as Henn and Louise left the house. We all greeted one another and waited for Henn's boyfriend, Charles to arrive.

When he did arrive, I quickly noticed I was the odd one out… everyone else was 'partnered up'.. Mary and Charles, Henn and Charles and Louise and Fred. So I ended up walking last. There was a small stream, with a log going across it. We had to cross on the log to get onto the closest path of the park. Fred helped Louise across, Charles Hayter helped Henn, Charles helped Mary, and I ended up having to navigate my own way. Which would have been okay, if I didn't slip on the log halfway across, and sprained my ankle.

I screamed, attracting the attention of the others, who had probably forgotten me. They hurried back to see what was the matter. Charles and Mary were the first to reach me, and they helped me off the log and onto the wet grass and leaves on the other side. Mary wanted to call me an ambulance but I insisted that I wasn't too badly hurt, and it was just a sprain. I told her it would be best if I stayed here for a while, and rest my ankle. After a moment of fretting, she agreed. The others eventually walked away, arm in arm towards the parks pathways. I sat there for five minutes until my butt got really sore and I stood up to move a bit. I started hearing voices about ten metres away. I picked out that it was Louise and Fred… and they were talking about me.

"I don't understand what's really wrong with her." said Louise softly

"What do you mean?" asked Fred

"Well, Anne always looks so sad these days. I only have a basic idea as what's wrong."

"What do you think it is?"

"I-it all came to a head a couple of days ago. Henn and I were at Mary and Charles' house for tea, and I needed to use the bathroom, so Anne offered me the one that's in her room, seeing as it was closest. When I was in there, I noticed a bottle of pills on the counter. And of course, me being curious had a look at it, it had maybe three pills left in it, and underneath it was a refill slip. And as we went into town the other day, Anne went off on her own for about half an hour, so I'm guessing she went to the chemist to get her prescription refilled." she paused to draw breath… I sat there frozen… now I understood why she looked so worried the other day…

"anyways, whilst I was in there, I had a good look at the refill slip, she's been on the pills for ages, the original prescription date is about five years ago. The oddest thing is, is that those pills, they're anti-depressants. And I looked it up on the internet that evening. That particular brand of anti-depressant, it's the strongest one on the market. It's usually reserved for maniacs and manic-depressives, you know, the ones who are constantly trying to off themselves."

By now, both Fred and Louise had come to a complete stop, they were only a few metres away from where I was hiding… I was worried I would get caught… Louise continued her speech

"the thing I don't really fully comprehend is _why _she's on them. I asked Mary about it when Henn took Anne dress shopping yesterday, you know, when you met up with them. Anyways, Mary said it all started when Anne met a guy in college. Apparently she fell in love with him, and they got engaged," Fred was now standing there, as still as stone, barely breathing, he must know where this was leading…

"so he took her to meet his family, and they were happy for them. But when Anne took him home to meet her family, well that's where it all fell apart."

"what do you mean?" asked Fred, his voice barely containing his hidden anger

"have you ever met her family, apart from Mary? I mean, I thought Mary was bad, but the others, eugh, they're even worse. She brought this guy home to meet her family, Mary was telling me all about it, but she didn't see him very much, apparently she was really ill that day and was only able to say a quick hello to him. But after he left that evening, Mary was sitting on the staircase at Kellynch, over hearing them arguing. Mrs. Russell, Anne's godmother, has practically been their mother since Mrs Elliot died ages ago, when she had Mary, and Anne's always looked up to her. Mr Elliot's always been the rich gold digging man. They weren't impressed with the guy. And they managed to convince Anne to break off her engagement. Mrs Russell apparently told Anne that is she really loved the guy, she'd let him go.." Louise broke off and looked sadly at Fred, who was standing there, mouth open and eyes full of horror.

"are you telling me, that she was persuaded to break off ou- I mean her engagement, by her family?" he demanded. Louise nodded solemnly before Fred continued

"so you're saying that she loved m-this guy, and her father, and 'mother' figure told her to break off her engagement because they felt…"

"felt that he wasn't good enough for her, he was a fellow Uni student and not rich enough for Mr Elliot and Mrs Russell's taste" put in Louise

"So she broke it off and has been on extra strong anti-depressants ever since." he finished, his voice not as even as it was when it started.

"That about sums it up," she said. "she hasn't dated anyone else either, as far as I know, Charles asked her out before he met Mary, but Anne turned him down."

"Wait, let me get this right. Your brother asked Anne out before he asked Mary?" he asked, and incredulous expression on his face

"That's right." confirmed Louise. Fred spoke no more, his expression showed why. His eyes and mouth were wide in horror.

"Are you alright Fred?" asked Louise, concern written all over her face.

"I-I'm fine, thanks, just shocked. I can't imagine anyone ruining their daughters happiness, just for money."

"I know, it's quite horrible. Imagine how Anne felt though, she must've _really _loved the guy, and then being told that if she actually loved him, she should let him go, and by the only mother figure she's ever known nonetheless. I cant image how torn apart she would've felt. Especially between the time after she was told what to do, and the time when she told the guy that she couldn't marry him. How awful and confused she must've felt."

"yes," murmured Fred "she must've felt quite bad, and what about the guy?"

"Oh, from what I've heard ever since, I cant remember his name though… apparently now he's quite successful in life, rich too," Louise laughed "oh the irony, her family didn't think that he'd ever be rich enough for them, but now I'm guessing he's richer than them all, if Mr Elliot renting out Kellynch is any indication of their bankruptcy." Fred spoke no more, he was looking at the ground, his mouth still open, his expression thoughtful. They continued walking along the path, the subject now on lighter, happier topics. I silently limped back to the spot where the others left me, and waited for them to finish walking.

Ten minutes later I was rejoined by everyone. Henn and Mary helped me stand up, even though I need no assistance. We made our way back to the Musgrove's house and I noticed that Fred wasn't talking. Louise looked at him every so often but didn't say anything. I feigned ignorance, I could never admit I had overheard them talking about me. I realised halfway back to the Musgrove's that Fred never knew about my father and Aunt Marge's talk, when I met up with him the next morning and gave him the ring back, effectively ending our relationship, he left, without giving me time to properly explain. Now he knew, even if it wasn't in a way I preferred, at least he knew I really loved him, and I think I still do…


	5. Chapter 5

Previously"

_"Ten minutes later I was rejoined by everyone. Henn and Mary helped me stand up, even though I need no assistance. We made our way back to the Musgrove's house and I noticed that Fred wasn't talking. Louise looked at him every so often but didn't say anything. I feigned ignorance, I could never admit I had overheard them talking about me. I realised halfway back to the Musgrove's that Fred never knew about my father and Aunt Marge's talk, when I met up with him the next morning and gave him the ring back, effectively ending our relationship, he left, without giving me time to properly explain. Now he knew, even if it wasn't in a way I preferred, at least he knew I really loved him, and I think I still do…"_

I pressed the cold icepack to my ankle, sitting on the sofa at the Musgrove's. Louise and Henn sitting either side of me, and Fred in the chair next to Louise. Mary was in the kitchen with Mrs Musgrove, helping her prepare tea. The two Charles' decided to go out for a quick drive and pick up Daniel from his friends' house. They arrived twenty minutes later, just moments after I gave the icepack back to Mrs. Musgrove. Daniel hugged his mother, grandmother and aunts before turning to me and jumping on my lap, dragging me into a tight hug. I hugged him back gladly.

"It looks like Danny's made his favourite aunt known." chuckled Mary. Everyone laughed at that remark.

The afternoon at the Musgrove's passed quickly and soon it was time for us to go back home. We piled back into the car, and drove away. I waved a small goodbye to everyone before looking down at my lap, I could feel Fred eyeing me occasionally. But I had no wish to look into his eyes, not again. Not today.

We spent two days at home, Mary and Charles had only gone out to do groceries, whilst I looked after Daniel. I spent the days mulling around, reading through my nursing books, wondering if I could cancel my month of holidays, just so I could go to work, and have something to do. Mary and Charles cam home half an hour late, giving the excuse that they had quickly gone to see the Musgrove's about some business matter. I nodded not really caring. Mary announced that we were going to the Musgrove's again for tea… and again, everyone was invited. I sighed gently, liking the idea of getting out of the house again, but not entirely looking forward to seeing Fred flirting with Louise again…

That evening I was dressed in my old trusty blue dress and silver shoes again. Mary was fussing over Daniel, so I decided to do my own hair. Mary had dragged me to the hairdressers the day before and demanded I get my abandoned locks cut and dyed. I remembered my promise to Mary and spent time fixing my appearance. I eventually had more makeup on that I'd had in a long time. I brushed through my shorter hair and put in a few extra bobby pins. When we were finished getting ready, and Mary had finished fussing over Daniel's tie, we piled in Charles' car.

We arrived at the Musgrove's to see the dinner already started. I ended up sitting exactly opposite Fred… this would be interesting…

"you've had a hair cut," exclaimed Louise "it looks absolutely gorgeous." I smiled and looked down in embarrassment as everyone but Fred complimented me, but then again, he was looking down at his plate too…

It seemed as though fate had turned its back on me tonight. The conversation swelled around topics like marriage, kids, jobs and the like. The entire meal I sat in my seat, squirming uncomfortably, occasionally looking across the table at Fred, who I had a feeling was just as uncomfortable as me. Dinner finished and dessert began. I smiled in spite of myself, it was home made Apple Crumble, and it was my favourite, and it was the first dessert Fred and I had ever shared. I heard a quick almost silent snort of laughter, and looked up at the table. Fred was the only one not focused on their dessert, and instead was looking at me, a small smirk pulling at his face. I smiled back, remembering our small food fight when we first had it…

I looked back down at my dessert and began eating it relishing the apple and nut taste. I sighed and let each bite take me back to five years ago…

I was shaken out of my reverie when Daniel tugged on my arm, wanting to know if I wanted a hot drink, as 'Nanna Mussy' was taking 'orders'. I smiled and asked him what he was having, he replied that he was having a hot chocolate, so I said I'd one too. I don't drink coffee, the last time I did was when I was studying for my final university exams, and I was awake for days. I apparently have a low caffeine tolerance…

We drank our hot drinks in near silence, only a few muttered comments, and the soft slurping of drinks disturbing the otherwise silent room. I wrapped my hands around the mug, letting the warmth seep into my fingers. When everyone had finished, we piled our cups into the kitchen and assembled in the lounge room to say our final goodbyes for the evening. Louise and Henrietta were demanding we all catch up tomorrow and go out for lunch again. Knowing it was pointless to disagree with the two girls, everyone agreed to meet up again tomorrow. Everyone had sat down and the only space available for me to sit was on the piano stool, next to Daniel. I went and sat next to him gladly, eager to not be in the conversation.

"Anne, do you still know how to play the piano?" asked Louise

"Yes," I replied "but I haven't played for a while."

"Do think you could play for us?" she asked again, more eagerly. _I'm sure this girl has ADHD… _

"Sure" I turned around and lifted the lid to the piano. I tested the keys, making sure that it was still in tune. I picked the first tune that came to my head… I inwardly groaned.. "chopsticks"… even Daniel could play this… luckily though he couldn't… so I thought now would be a great time to teach him. Everyone sitting behind us watched as I showed Daniel how to play the tune, and Mrs Musgrove decided now would be a perfect time to start up the conversation about my 'settling down' _does this woman have a mute button?_

I focused on teaching Daniel and blocked their conversation out, which worked great until Louise and Henn piped up, exclaiming that they should set me up with some of their friends' older brothers, and they should do it soon. Abandoning the impromptu piano lesson I swivelled in the seat to face everyone, eyes wide. I opened my mouth to protest, but nothing came out. My eyes searched for Sophie to save me, but she was busy with Alex, my only other choice was Mary… and that was barely a choice at all.. But then again.. I didn't have any others…

I sent her a pleading look with my eyes, saying _SAVE ME!_ she must've understood because she turned to everyone and said that any immediate set-ups would have to wait, as our father was anxious to see me in town and get me settled into the new house. I let out a grateful sigh.. Sometimes, Mary was a genius.. Sometimes… now I would be forced to go and live with them, for a few months at least.. Bollocks!

After spending so little time with Mary before dad became bankrupt, I really loved spending time with her, even though she was a little annoying, and sometimes was an obvious hypochondriac, she was still my favourite sister… but now, after her semi-brilliant excuse to get me out of a blind date, I would have to leaver her again… and go live with my father and eldest sister… I do love them, it's just, they're very… overbearing, at the best of times…

Louise asked when I was expected in town and Mary said within the fortnight, which gave us time to tell father that I was coming to stay…which, in the end… wouldn't work out, not with me ending my holidays and starting my new jobs.. Eugh, I was screwed.

The rest if the evening passed uneventfully, and it was soon time for us to leave for the evening. Daniel was yawning heavily, and I knew he'd fall asleep in the car. We were the first to decide to leave and everyone piled out onto the Musgrove's porch to farewell us. Louise and Henn, being the irresponsible ones, decided to follow us out to the car. They were both obviously hyperactive and the were mucking around, pretending to have been hit by Charles' car. I'm sure everyone rolled their eyes at their antics, but they laughed with the girls at their fun.

Louise has always been known to take things too far. She decided to take her 'run over' game to the next level, she raced ahead of the car, and onto the road, where she really was hit by a car. Time seemed to stop for a moment, the headlights were there one second, blocked the next, and a hideous scream erupted from Louise's mouth before the brake of the car squealed. I flung the car door open, my training kicking in whilst everyone was still standing there in shock. I raced towards Louise, praying that she was alive.

I felt someone running behind me, but I didn't care who it was, I was to focused on getting to Lou. I reached her and felt for a pulse, and sighed in relief when I felt it. I then checked the rest of her, she was unconscious, and had several bad gashes, the largest being on her head. The person running behind me had caught up.. It was Fred. He kneeled down beside me, and asked how he could help. I told him that he needed to stop the bleeding from her head wound. He ripped a handkerchief from his pocket and firmly placed his hand against the wound, I was distracted by his movement for a moment, but then realised that I had to make sure that the rest of her was okay.

By now everyone had been shaken from their reverie and had made their way to stand around us. I picked the stricken face of James Benwick and remembered that he had recently lost his fiancé in a car accident. I yelled at him to call an ambulance, his eyes shot up form the unconscious girl to meet mine, and for a moment, I could see that he was afraid. He nodded a little and plucked out his mobile phone, dialling the emergency service number. I then remembered the driver of the car, and that they may have been hurt. I looked over to see Mrs Musgrove comforting the driver, who was obviously in shock, and kept saying "I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry" to her. I left them at it, I could already hear the sirens.


	6. Chapter 6

Previously:

_"By now everyone had been shaken from their reverie and had made their way to stand around us. I picked the stricken face of James Benwick and remembered that he had recently lost his fiancé in a car accident. I yelled at him to call an ambulance, his eyes shot up form the unconscious girl to meet mine, and for a moment, I could see that he was afraid. He nodded a little and plucked out his mobile phone, dialling the emergency service number. I then remembered the driver of the car, and that they may have been hurt. I looked over to see Mrs Musgrove comforting the driver, who was obviously in shock, and kept saying "I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry" to her. I left them at it, I could already hear the sirens."_

Once Louise was safely in the ambulance everyone decided to follow them to the hospital. The driver of the car had been in as well for shock, but otherwise he was fine. An hour later we found ourselves waiting at the hospital, waiting for any news. Mary had left Charles and Daniel in the car, and was now saying that she should get home, otherwise Daniel wouldn't get enough sleep. I however wanted to stay with Lou. Henn was clearly distraught and Mrs Musgrove wanted to take her home. Everyone was deciding to leave, I didn't blame them, it was nearing two in the morning.

In the end, Fred, James Benwick, and I decided to stay at hospital. Mary asked how I would get back home, and I told her I'd either get a lift or catch a cab. This seemed to be okay with her and she made no objections. She then left us, slowly making her way to the car park. Her tired shuffle was exaggerated and I could see she was faking how tired she was, but I didn't really care. I sat down in the chair next to Lou's bed. The beeping of the machines that I was so used to hearing seemed haunting. I shut my eyes, not letting tears well up. I let a breath out that I didn't realise I was holding, I opened my eyes to see James and Fred at the nurses desk, asking a nurse for something.

I waited for them to finish and come back. I took a moment to study Fred, he had come to help me quickly, even though he was much further away from her than me, he got to her not long after I had. I then noticed just how much muscle he had put on since I last saw him. The sinews in his arms bulged out when he moved his arm. I looked away quickly, I didn't think it would be entirely appropriate to check out my ex fiancé. They gave a final nod to the nurse and came back in to Louise's room. James told me that they were expecting Louise to wake in the next few hours and that even though she broke no bones and suffered no internal injuries, bar some bruising, that they would be keeping her here for the next few days. I nodded and told them that if they intended to stay the night, they would need chairs.

Both agreed to stay. James propped his chair on the other side of Lou's bed, and Fred placed his close to mine. I snuggled into the chair, intending to fall asleep there, but I found I couldn't, the beep of the heart monitor caused me to lay there, unable to drift into unconsciousness. Another hour passed before I heard James snore softly. I opened my eyes and shifted in my seat, realising I wouldn't be able to sleep, and if I stayed in that position, my back would be all cramped in the morning. I turned towards Fred, expecting him to be asleep also, but instead he was looking at me, wide awake.

He got out of his seat and kneeled in front of me. I suddenly had proposal flashbacks, but I pushed the thought away. Besides, he was smiling when he proposed, now, his mouth was set into some kind of determined grimace, at least I think that's what it was…

"Anne," he started "I know us being around each other, especially with our history together has been pretty awkward. But I was wondering if I could ask you something."

"Sure," I replied, "Ask away."

"So you think that you could answer something for me truthfully, something that happened when we were together?" I was unable to reply, so I just nodded, where was he going with this?

"There were three times I noticed you kept things from me. I know about two of them, when you needed to study for a test when I wanted to take you out on a date. I got told by Lisa, your roommate about that afterwards, she also told me about the exam you had to do the day I was planning to take you to meet my family, which was alright because I ended up having an exam too that day, but the third thing, just before your birthday in November, I had no clue, Lisa had no clue, and so I never found out. That's what I wanted to ask you, what was it that you kept from me? I want you to tell me Anne, I want you to tell me the truth."

_Shit. _

I struggled to make my mouth work, how had he picked up on _that_? I thought I had hidden it so well.. It was my one secret.

"It was the only thing I ever kept from you. I was so ashamed, I never told anyone." he nodded at me, gesturing for me to continue…

"I-I-I fell pregnant in September that year," I whispered now, my voice not up to the task of talking properly "it was yours of course, I wanted to wait until I was passed the first three months to tell you. I went to the doctors for a medical exam, to make sure that the baby was okay. But when she went to do the ultrasound she couldn't find a heartbeat… I'd miscarried." I noticed then that I was crying. Fat, hot tears ran down my cheeks, leaving a wet trail behind. I wiped them away viciously with my jacket sleeve. I sniffled and looked Fred in the eyes, he was looking at me in shock, clearly not expecting me to say that. Inside I laughed bitterly, he now knew practically everything about me…

Cautiously he brought his hand to my face and wiped the trail of water away. He brought his other hand up too to cup my face. My hands were folded in my lap, shaking. He dropped his hands from my face and held onto my shaking hands. Then after a minute of just kneeling there, he out of the blue, he stood up, dragging me up with him. He pulled me into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around my torso. My arms stayed at his side, limp, before I decided to hug him back, wrapping them around his waist. He still smelt the same, and I snuggled my nose further into his armpit, not really noticing that I was still crying. It felt no different to the thousands of hugs we had shared during our time together all those years ago.. And it still felt like home.

I don't know how long we stood there, moments, minutes, hours.. I don't know, but I knew I never wanted to let go of him, ever again. He slowly loosened his arms from me, and I let go of him, completely unwillingly. Instead of letting me go entirely, he held onto the sides of my waist. He brought his head down to my level. My heart began beating a million miles, thinking he was about to kiss me.. Instead his face drew back, and he looked me in the eyes. I gave him a weak, lip trembling smile and he whispered

"Thank you for telling Anne, I'm so glad you did. But I wish you had told me sooner."

"How could I tell you sooner? Would it have made any difference to the ending we got?" I whispered in reply. He simply shrugged moved his face back closer to mine. I thought he would kiss me, but instead he put his cheek on mine and sighed. The hot breath rushed past my ear, tickled my hair and warmed my neck. Again, I felt like I was home.

We stayed there, in that semi hug for a minute or two. I relished the closeness, having not done it since the last time we hugged like that. He finally let me go fully, I immediately felt cold, missing his warmth. I sat back down in my chair as he sat back down in his. I glanced over my shoulder at the clock, it was nearly four o'clock, I assumed the sun would be rising soon. And Lou should hopefully wake up soon. I glanced over to the bed, she was wriggling and I assumed that she was waking up, if she wasn't already.

I stood up and moved over to the side of the bed, sitting next to her arm. Feebly she opened her eyes, looking straight into mine. Her eyes almost looked too clear for someone that just woke up. Maybe she had been awake for a few minutes, maybe she had been pretending to sleep… I smiled at her and got one in return, she was alright, she was awake and she wasn't going to die. I stood up and eased past Fred, who had been sitting there throughout mine and Lou's short exchange. I raced to the nurses desk and announced to the sleepy looking nurse that Lou was awake. The nurse suddenly looked more alert, she promptly stood out of her chair and followed me into Louise's room.

Fred stood up to get out of her way and came to stand behind me. As the nurse checked all of Louise's vitals I felt Fred put his hands gently on my hips and rest his chin on my shoulder. I leaned back into him and rested my cheek lightly against his. The nurse announced that Lou was fine, and just needed some sleep. Lou nodded and re closed her eyes. The bruising was starting to show, and large purple shadows were beginning to appear across her face.

Fred let got of me and stood next to me instead. I was still leaning into him, I didn't want to let him go, not just yet. We stood there until Lou was breathing deeply again. Sighing I stood up properly and sat back down in my seat. I hadn't been too tired before Lou woke up, but after admitting my last secret to Fred, and crying and watching Lou wake up, just drained the energy out of me. I sat down in the seat and closed my eyes. They were beginning to ache from being awake for too long… I sighed deeply, letting the oxygen fill my lungs, I leaned my head against the arm rest and fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Previously:

_"Fred let got of me and stood next to me instead. I was still leaning into him, I didn't want to let him go, not just yet. We stood there until Lou was breathing deeply again. Sighing I stood up properly and sat back down in my seat. I hadn't been too tired before Lou woke up, but after admitting my last secret to Fred, and crying and watching Lou wake up, just drained the energy out of me. I sat down in the seat and closed my eyes. They were beginning to ache from being awake for too long… I sighed deeply, letting the oxygen fill my lungs, I leaned my head against the arm rest and fell asleep."_

**_AN: this is the end of the story from Anne's point of view.. the rest of this story will be written from Fred's point of view.. just keeping you up to date :D_**

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
_

I watched as her eyes drooped and not long after, she was breathing deeply. I noticed I was the only one awake in the room, and I took a moment to study her. It had been a very long time since I saw her last, and in that long time, she had changed, so much co, that when I first saw her again, I almost didn't recognise her. She looked careworn and tired, like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. The bitter feelings I had left with had suddenly resurfaced, that monster of hate rose from my chest. When I caught her eye though, that monster died. Her eyes no longer had their happy glisten, instead they shone lifelessly. I pitied her.

Now I knew what had gone on in my absence, she had gotten depressed, something which Louise Musgrove confided in me, and then also confirmed by her old roommate Lisa, who I had phoned up that evening to ask what had gone on after I transferred universities. Lisa told me all about the things she knew Anne had kept from me, none of the ones she knew were particularly important, but it was nice knowing them anyways. What I hadn't expected was finding out that Anne and I would've had a baby. I wondered why she didn't tell me straight away. But then I remembered, she wanted to wait until she was out of the danger zone to tell me… but she never got out of that danger zone…

Watching her sleep was just as interesting as it had been when we were together. Her eyes fluttered occasionally, her mouth slightly parted. The one thing that I always admired about Anne was that she never snored, unlike all the guys at the army base. Instead, she sighed as she breathed, something that I found amusing. I remembered all the times I teased her about it when she woke up, which would have her ending up burying her head in my shoulder in embarrassment. It was the same kind of burying her head that she did when I hugged her before, like she couldn't get close enough, couldn't hug hard enough, it was as though I would disappear if her hold loosened. I'd had a moment where I lost track of our situation, and I nearly leant in to kiss her, but remembered myself just in time.

I sat back down in the comfortable chair and continued to watch Anne sleep. It was early in the morning, and the sun would be rising soon. I realised I had not slept in over twenty-four hours, but I was not yet tired. I would begin work at the Kellynch army base in a little over a week, repairing the badly designed quarters, mess hall and nursing station. Hopefully, when I was there, I might see more of Anne. Again I thought back to the time we were engaged. And then, the day after meeting her father, sisters and godmother, broke of the engagement and handed me back the ring. I remember being too angry to make sense of the whole thing. I though she had strung me on the whole time, and then finally broke it all off when she was finished. But now, armed with the information I had recently been given… the whole situation was making sense.

I remembered that as she gave the ring back, she was crying, I had thought she was laughing at me…

I remembered that as she turned to leave, her shoulders shook.. I though she was laughing.. But she was crying…

She refused to answer the phone afterwards… I thought she would be out partying with her success… instead she had been depressed, and crying.. And suicidal.

I shuddered at the thought that she may have killed herself. And what I would've done if she had. Everything would've made sense so much sooner if she had ended her life… I would've realised that she hadn't been playing around with my feelings, and had truly loved me… if that had happened… I would've followed her… I would've ended my life too.

But she hadn't, she had lived. She struggled, she cried, she hid it all from everyone. And I had done the same. I wondered if any of the guys knew… if James Benwick, sitting on the other side of the bed, knew or if Chris Harville knew. He has been a close friend of mine since high school, and we kept in contact through out our entire post high school years. I may have mentioned her to him, but I didn't remember… and if he remembered…

The rest of our time at the hospital passed in a blur. The morning came and Lou woke up again, she had been changed during her accident, something which became immediately noticeable in the way she said good morning to me. She was quieter, and seemed a little less enthusiastic than usual. Her pretty smile though, had not dimmed… she was all teeth.

It was mid morning before either Anne or James woke up. James woke first, complaining of a crick in his neck, a sore back and cramped up leg muscles. He stood up and stretched, his joints cracking as he did so. He then noticed Lou was awake and proceeded to lean over the hospital bed to give her a tight hug. When he released her and turned to go find coffee, I could see a look in his eyes that I hadn't seen for the longest time… hope. That look hadn't been in his eyes since he last spoke of Felicity… just a week before he found out that she had died. I sighed deeply, hoping today would be a good day.

Anne woke up when the Musgrove family arrived to check up on Louise. She was obviously still overly tired, but still gave up the chair she was sitting on to Henrietta, so she could talk to her sister. I could see her eyes were pining for more sleep, and like James had done before her, she left the room in search of coffee. I was tempted to follow her out, but I knew that it would probably start a rumour between the Musgrove's… so I stayed where I was, near the entrance to the door. I inhaled deeply, the air was slightly scented with Anne's perfume… Jasmine and Rose… she hadn't changed her perfume since I had dated her… it was a familiar, sweet and passionate smell, which was, when I thought about it, just like Anne's character.

Anne came back in a few minutes later, coffee cup in hand. I knew she wouldn't actually have coffee in the cup due to her slight intolerance to caffeine. When she came and stood next to me, I could see that she had filled the cup with hot chocolate… her favourite hot beverage. I felt the corners of my mouth curve into a smile. There was so much about her that I remembered… and a week ago I wished that I would never see her again. So much had changed in the past week. After being coerced into going dress shopping with her and Louise… the old feelings suddenly sparked up again. When I saw her in the white dress, I had a flashback to an old daydream of mine… watching Anne as she walked up the aisle to meet me… and marry me.

Coming back to the present though, I leant closer to Anne, and inhaled more of her intoxicating perfume. She looked sideways at me and gave a small smile. She brought the cup to her lips and gulped down a large mouthful. She swallowed and for some reason I found myself watching as her throat moved. My eyes lowered to her collarbone, which stuck out, it was then that it dawned on me… she was much more fragile than I remembered. I looked at her finger next, their long slim lengths wrapped around the cup, her fingernails were short but chapped, she clearly hadn't been bothering to look after her appearance too much. I inwardly sighed, wondering if all that I had been told since I had come here was true.

I had been told by my brother in law, Adrian, that when he was helping Anne move her things from their Kellynch house, the box she was carrying broke, and her books had gone everywhere. And as they picked up her possessions he had noticed a locket, and inside had been a picture of me, and a strip of paper with my name on it. As well as the locket, there had been some kind of scrapbook, with love letters and pictures in it. I visualised what had happened, the box breaking, her memories of us scattered all over the floor, then as she desperately tried to hide any evidence of her knowing me from Adrian, he had noticed anyway. I wonder how Anne would feel if she knew that I knew that she still kept that scrapbook, or the locket I had bought for her as an anniversary present. I had bought her the scrapbook on our second date, so that she could keep records of all the dates she wished to remember.


	8. Chapter 8

Previously:

_I had been told by my brother in law, Adrian, that when he was helping Anne move her things from their Kellynch house, the box she was carrying broke, and her books had gone everywhere. And as they picked up her possessions he had noticed a locket, and inside had been a picture of me, and a strip of paper with my name on it. As well as the locket, there had been some kind of scrapbook, with love letters and pictures in it. I visualised what had happened, the box breaking, her memories of us scattered all over the floor, then as she desperately tried to hide any evidence of her knowing me from Adrian, he had noticed anyway. I wonder how Anne would feel if she knew that I knew that she still kept that scrapbook, or the locket I had bought for her as an anniversary present. I had bought her the scrapbook on our second date, so that she could keep records of all the dates she wished to remember._

I sighed gently, turning back to watch the Musgrove family sitting around Louise, wondering if I would ever have the same kind of support that they seemed to have, relying on each other when they needed it. My eyes kept flickering back to Anne, she was still obviously tired, the dark circles under her eyes gave that away. From behind us, I heard the one voice that was impossible to ignore, it was Mary, Anne's hypochondriac sister. She was followed by her husband who was carrying their small son. Once Mary and Charles reached Lou's room the small boy reached out impatiently for Anne, who went over to them and took the boy off Charles. After she had picked him up she came over to stand next to me again. I looked down at her, knowing now what Sophie had said about Anne being a natural with kids.

Lou was able to sit up now and ate her lunch with gusto. She kept glancing over at James, and I could instantly see that they had formed some kind of bond. James had loved Felicity with all his heart, but she had died. I thought maybe James knew it was time to move on, and to love again. Louise seemed to be the perfect girl for him, even in the space of twenty-four hours she had become far more mature and wise. She had listened intently to anything James had said and seemed genuinely interested in his book collection. I looked around the room to see if anyone else had noticed their interactions, but it seemed that no one else had caught on, or else, they weren't showing it.

After Louise finished her lunch, everyone decided to leave and give her some time to rest properly. She asked for a few minutes alone so she could talk to Henrietta. We left them alone, but before I closed the door, I saw Louise glance quickly at me, before turning back to her sister. After I had closed the door my hand dropped slowly from the handle… a sudden thought had some into my head… what if she had heard Anne and I talking last night, what if she had been awake the whole time, what if she had heard enough about our history together to put the pieces together? As soon as it had come, I pushed the thought out of my head, why did it matter, after all, what happened in the past had stayed in the past.

Less than five minutes later Henrietta walked out of her sisters' hospital room. Her face was carefully void of any emotion, which made it obvious that she was now hiding a secret. If anyone else could see that she was hiding something, they didn't ask her. Perhaps some secrets were just meant to be kept, I quickly though back to what Anne had told me about her miscarriage, all those years ago… she had told me that it she had told me then, that it wouldn't have made a difference to the 'ending' that we got. I was confused, did she think that her life was a fairy tale that had gone completely wrong? I suppose it could be taken that way. A very twisted fairy tale that would be though… the beautiful, rich princess meets and falls in love with the poor boy, her father, the 'king' and her fairy godmother are completely against them marrying and so they break them up… unhappily ever after.

I inwardly laughed bitterly at this, her father, a king?! He was a narcissistic, arrogant man who thought only of himself and his appearance, he was also now in debt, a far cry from what he had been all those years ago when I had first been to their house, to meet Anne's family for the first time. He had lost his money in expensive law suits against his mining companies. I had also heard rumours that he had spent quite a lot of his money on gambling and racehorse bets, other rumours saying he had spent the money on cosmetic surgeries. Neither of those rumours would surprise me if they turned out to be true. It was just like Walter Elliot to do something like that. And as for the fairy godmother, or Aunt Marge… she was just like the wicked, evil stepmothers in the regular fairy tales… a wolf in sheep's clothing one might say. Today, when I think of Anne's aunt Marge, I always think of the horrible aunt from Harry Potter, the mean one that Harry 'accidentally' inflates in the third book. It always makes me smile when I picture that scene, because, for just a moment, I imagine that I'm Harry Potter, and that Anne's aunt Marge is Harry's Aunt… and then I whip out the good old 'accidental magic' and I blow her to smithereens. Oh boy do I have a lot of repressed anger.

Now that I've cheered myself up, I returned to the real world to see that everyone is still there, discussing what they should do today. Mary turns to Anne, who is still holding their child and exclaims that Anne needs more sleep. Everyone turns to look at Anne and they all say it's true. In a true Anne-like fashion, she bows her head and blushes saying that she did get some sleep last night. It seems, for once, that Mary is thinking of others, and demands that Anne go home and get some more rest. Mrs Musgrove joins in when Anne declines the first time, telling her that she has done more than enough. Sighing gently, Anne agrees and follows her sister and her brother in law out to the car, still carrying the little boy. I watch them leave until they've turned a corner and Anne is no longer in sight. I turn back to the Musgrove family who also watched the three of them leave. It seems that Mrs. Musgrove wanted Anne away so she could compliment her.

"I must say how well Anne did last night, acting as quickly as she did, poor Lou might've been injured even worse than she was if Anne wasn't there to attend to her injuries." she exclaimed

"Why didn't you tell her how well she did whilst she was here?" asked Henrietta

"Well darling, I've known Anne for about four or five years now, and she is not one for accepting compliments, she prefers to give the credit of her achievements to others." replied Mrs Musgrove

"That's true, I suppose," agreed Henrietta "but still, I'm sure Anne would've appreciated knowing how well she did."

"And I'm sure that if you want to let Anne know how 'well she did' then you tell her." teased Mrs Musgrove

"you're so cruel mum, Anne's not invincible, I'm sure she still needs support from people who love her." replied Henrietta, only half teasing now.

"Oh I know, I was just being silly dearest, besides, Anne knows we all love her to pieces and we're always here for her." said Mrs Musgrove.

_This is the part where I opened my big fat mouth and said something I knew I'd probably regret…_

"It's good to see that Anne has a family that does care about her."

A moments' pause before Mrs Musgrove spoke up again

"Yes, well, someone has to care about her well being, the rest of her family doesn't seem to care too much about her at all. Her father is the most self-centred, arrogant sod I have ever met, and that eldest daughter, Elizabeth, my goodness she is just like her father, self-centred, rude, and conceited. A very bad combination is you ask me." she exclaimed

_I think I've just found a new best friend in this woman._

"It's quite a shame about Anne's family, well, the rest of it anyways, we can't really say much against Mary seeing as she's married to Charles. But to me, I've always felt that she deserves better, like a family that likes her, and is there for her when she needs them." Henrietta said, directed at me.

I nodded slowly, Mr Musgrove needed to leave for a work meeting, so the three Musgrove's left and I was left there with James, who clearly wanted to go back and sit with Louise. I nodded towards him, to show that I understood his need, and he left to go ask the nurse if it was okay if he stayed with Lou. I smiled, knowing that they would make a good, happy couple. I walked slowly back to the car park, where my car was. I took the key out of my pocket and got inside. As I drove back to the army base, where I had been staying, I mulled over everything I head learned in the past few days. Anne's reason for breaking off the engagement… Her depression… the fact that she had turned down Charles Musgrove when he wanted to date her… her pregnancy… her miscarriage… James finding love again in Louise Musgrove…

My head hurt.. And all I wanted to do was sleep… good thing it was Saturday.

I got back to the army base, and luckily, was able to get a few hours of undisturbed sleep. The army cadets were out doing the physical tests they needed to do to pass basic training. But when they came back, they stank the whole bunker out with their body odour. It was like college men's change rooms all over again, including the towel snaps, the pungent aroma of a dozen different deodorants mixing together and the steam rising from the shower block, complete with the random guy singing random hits from the 80's… out of tune…

I left the room when the guys started coming out of the showers naked, I might be a guy, but seeing another guys bits is just weird. I went to the mess hall and grabbed a bite to eat for lunch. I sat at one end of the long table and dug into my ham sandwich. I noticed some movement beside me. The person sat down, it was one of the cadet supervisors, Mitchell. He was a tall, beefy man with a bald head. He always wore black… black pants, black boots, and a black singlet. If I didn't know he was married and had two small children, who he played 'peek-a-boo' with, then I would think he's the scariest guy in the world… he's really a softie… sometimes…

The one thing that always gets me with this guy is just how much he sees through people. He can look at a person and instantly know how much they're hurting… boy oh boy I hope he wasn't paying attention today… and boy was I wrong… one quick side look at me got him going

"Something the matter Fred?" he asked

"Girl problems." I replied sullenly… there was no point in lying to him… he would see straight through that.

"Ah," he scoffed "what kind, your sister? Your wife? Kids?" I laughed

"How's ex-fiancée?" he whistled a low tune

"That's speaks of trouble"

"Oh you have no idea Mitch, no idea" I said… _I'm sure he doesn't have a clue what the problem is… he's happily married._

"Try me." was all he said… _well if he wants he brain twister, he's gonna get one._

"Eight years ago, back in college, I met a girl, fell in love and proposed. She said yes. We went to meet each others family, and hers hated me. Then her father and godmother persuaded her to break off the engagement, something which I only recently found out. I left, broken hearted and swore to myself I would never go near her again. Now my sister and brother-in-law are renting the girls' family's house and I'm near her all the time now. And the most annoying thing is, is that I still love her, and I think she might still love me. But I cant be sure, because she hides all of her emotions away and puts on fake smile for everyone." I rambled the words just gushing out of my mouth "and last night we talked a little and I found out that when we were still together, she had fallen pregnant but had a miscarriage and she never told anyone about it, and she's on powerful anti-depressants and she's…" I stopped, unable to finish.

Luckily Mitch was the only one listening, and even more luckily, he was listening intently.

They say things come in threes… but luck obviously isn't one of them… at least, if his next query was any indication…

"Who was the girl?"

"Anne Elliot." I replied

"As in the nurse, the one who'll be working here in a couple of weeks?" he asked, shocked

"yep, the very same."

"As in _the_ Anne Elliot, daughter of that bankrupt mine owner?"

"Yep that's her." my tone seemed to have a vibe that caused Mitch to close his mouth. He still didn't believe that me and her had gotten together, even though it was years and years ago.

_Heck even I couldn't believe I'd found a girl like Anne…_

I felt a little better after telling someone about my situation… just saying something about it helped put a few pieces together. I hadn't been sure about how I felt about Anne, because of all the anger and bitterness I still felt towards her. But now, having seen her again, I realised that I didn't hate her, I could never hate her. She was too good-natured and kind to hate… even though I was still angry at her for what happened all those years ago… I still loved her.

_Holy crap!_

Mitch was looking at me in stunned silence still, his mouth partially open and his eyes wide. I snapped my fingers in front of his face, and he jumped, as though he was being awoken from a trance. He looked at me straight in the eye and I felt his probing eyes reach deep within my soul… or whatever lay behind my eyes… I felt as though I should say something, perhaps tell him to keep it to himself, or maybe not to read into it too much, that it would come to a head soon… but no words formed in my head. We sat there in silence for a few moments, I turned back to what remained of my ham sandwich and finished the last couple of mouthfuls. I turned back to Mitch, who was still staring at me. This time, instead of a slack-jawed, gaping mouth, he had a small smirk pulling at the side of his mouth and laughter beginning to bubble from his throat

"Boy, oh, boy are you in a mess." he said, laughing. _Typical Mitch._


	9. Chapter 9

_previously:"I turned back to Mitch, who was still staring at me. This time, instead of a slack-jawed, gaping mouth, he had a small smirk pulling at the side of his mouth and laughter beginning to bubble from his throat_

"Boy, oh, boy are you in a mess." he said, laughing. Typical Mitch."

I rolled my eyes at him and put my face in my hands, rubbing my weary eyes. And hand roughly petted my back, Mitch was trying to comfort me… and it wasn't really helping. We sat there for a few more minutes of silence, until Mitch got up to leave, he had to go and do a fitness lesson with new recruits. I sat there for a few moments more, revelling in the silence, wishing for a miracle.

I stood up to leave and made a sudden decision to go out for a drive. Really I just wanted to see Anne, I've always loved how her brown hair seemed to glide down her back. Something which, after her recent haircut, I noticed more of. I also loved the colour of her eyes, brown, the colour of chocolate actually. As I got into my car, and put the key in the ignition, I closed my eyes, letting my mind wander back to happier times, happier times with Anne…

…_It was a sunny day and we had gone out to a park for a picnic… the sun coloured her hair, and lightened her face, making her look like an angel. She sat there , legs tucked under her as she opened the picnic basket and retrieved the food. She pulled out a bottle of champagne and two champagne flutes. After handing me the bottle, she held both glasses out, waiting for me to pour the drink. I smiled at her, simply unable to take my eyes of the girl I was in love with…_

…_a rainy day, we sat on her bed in her dorm room, we were under the covers, but propped up against the headboard, my arms around her, holding her close. She leaned in towards me, tucked into my armpit, her breathing slow and deep. She had fallen asleep a few minutes earlier, the rain having lulled her to sleep…_

…_I had taken her out at night to a different park, a full moon lit up the area, the lake in the background was a shimmering silver. I stopped her at a park bench and motioned for her to sit down, as she did, I lowered myself with her, but I ended up on one knee, looking up into Anne's beautiful, dark eyes, neither of us broke the silence for a few moments, but in the end I did… by saying "will you marry me?"…_

I opened my eyes, and realised I was still sitting in my car. I blinked a few times to adjust my eyes to the light. I started the engine and drove out of the Army barracks. The only thing I needed to do now was to decide on a destination…

I ended up driving up to Kellynch, to see Sophie and Adrian. As I arrived I noticed that they were out the front with Alex, doing some gardening. I stopped in the driveway where they were working and had a chat about the garden with them. Sophie, being my older, and extremely perceptive sister, could immediately sense that something was bothering me. She walked right up to the car window, and said to me quietly

"You're telling me everything when we get inside."

Knowing it would be pointless to argue with her, I nodded slightly and continued the drive up to the house. They were at the house only a few minutes later and we all went inside for drinks. I helped make them with Sophie in the kitchen, mainly to give her a chance to grill me alone. She barely opened her mouth before I told her about Louise's accident, and the night in the hospital, and everything that Anne had told me… she gasped at this, and her eyes widened when I mentioned the miscarriage. She turned white when I told her that I still loved Anne. She stood there, holding the teabags, eyes wide, mouth open and completely speechless for a few moments. I clicked my fingers in front of her eyes and she jumped as though escaping from a trance. Almost immediately she turned to glare at me.

"And you're only just realising that you still love her _now_?" She exclaimed.

"Well I haven't exactly had a chance to get over her, I haven't seen enough of her in the past five years to find enough things to hate her for." I snapped at her. In return, she simply smirked, as though I'd only confirmed something she already knew. My anger though, was still bubbling and I though… _did I even have the capacity to hate her?_ Not even I knew…

After serving the drinks Sophie disappeared into the house, saying she would be back shortly. When Adrian was sure his wife was out of earshot he turned to me and said

"She's calling for back-up, we've been waiting for you to turn up here all morning, the Musgrove's called this morning telling us about the accident, and how Anne reacted… as well as how you reacted to Anne…" _oh please, no… _"and so we've all formulated a plan to help you two get back together, as soon as possible." _These little shits._

I had to admit though, that after Mrs. Musgrove and Henrietta arrived, and all four of them explained their 'plan' to me, I was hooked. It was brilliant, practically faultless, unless some other guy chose now to impose himself into Anne's life… the girls had accounted for everything, taking what they knew about Anne, and how she reacts to certain things. They formulated situations where we would have no choice but to be near each other, including spontaneous card games at the Musgrove's house, picnics and even a boat trip. Their ideas began to get more in-depth and serious, and I decided to stop them when Henrietta suggested I 'throw myself in the face of danger, get injured and stare deeply into Anne's eyes as she treats my injuries…'

_That girl needs therapy._

The plans were finalised, well, the ones I agreed to anyways. I was sure that the girls had a few extra plans up their sleeves, but I'd leave them to it… plan A was being the same room again, sitting next to her and having another good conversation with her… it was a plan I was looking forward to…

The Musgrove's didn't stay for long, they declined a drink, saying they had to get back home to prepare the house for Louise, who was to be released from hospital later that day. Once they left I glanced quickly at my watch, it read '4.35pm'. I swore inwardly, as I had until 5 to get back to the army base before the Night guard came on, and I've never particularly liked the night guard, he was grumpy and never smiled at anyone. I told Sophie and Adrian that I would have to start making my way back to the Army base and keep working on the blueprints for the new buildings, we said our farewells and I walked off towards my car. I got into the car and started the engine, suddenly, out of nowhere my sister appeared at my window, tapping on the glass. I rolled down the window…

"I forget to tell you something before, which is probably a good thing, seeing as I don't want anyone else to know, But remember how you came home that night, after Anne gave you the ring back?" she puffed out, all in one breath.

"Yes," I replied hesitantly

"Well," she too hesitated, "after you locked yourself in your room, I went to go see her, just to see what happened, I mean, seeing as I didn't get anything form you. Anyways, I went to go see her, and she was dreadfully upset, when I arrived she just broke down crying in my arms, and I didn't know what to do. She explained everything, how you blamed her for leading you on and how her father and aunt told her to break it off… just remember this Fred, she loved you, and from what I've seen and heard over the past few weeks, she still does." and with that she kissed my cheek and walked away.

_I don't think I'll be listening to the radio on the way back. Nothing could distract me from that statement._

The drive back to the army base was hard, there was no traffic, I had red lights the whole way, and nothing significant to distract me from what Sophie had said '_she loved you…she still does… __**she loved you…she still does.'**_ how the hell was I supposed to react to _that?_.

Let's just say it was a long drive back to base.

The next morning I woke up to my mobile phone ringing. Sleepily I looked at the display screen to see who was calling me at that ungodly hour… '_James Benwick'_ why on earth was he calling me so early?! I answered the phone, and after a maddeningly cheerful conversation with him and I jumped out of bed, hurriedly dressed and got into my car.

_Oh. My. Lord._

He's gone and proposed to Louise Musgrove…

_Holy hell. When did that happen?_

I got to the Musgrove house minutes later, I had broken every speed limit along the way, but at least I got there…everybody seemed to have just arrived, Charles, Mary and Anne were just getting out of there car, Anne was once again looking after Daniel whilst his mother threw her hypochondriac self into everybody's faces…we were ushered into the house by a very frantic Mrs Musgrove, who in turn was accosted by Mary

"Mum, do you happen to have any extra-strong painkillers here? It's just that I woke up with such a dreadful headache this morning, and I didn't get time to have any at home this morning" she moaned pathetically.

_How on earth did she ever survive childhood without someone suffocating her?_

We all grouped into the Musgrove's small living room, finding places to sit whilst we waited for someone, anyone to offer an explanation as to what on earth was going on. Henrietta was sitting next to Anne, looking forlorn and depressed, as I turned to face her, she looked up at me, our eyes met and I could see the anger and resentment there, which was odd, because the two girls had always seemed to be very close. She must've seen my confusion because she piped up and said to me

"Lou called mum this morning, telling her the _great _news, that James had proposed to her when she woke up, and of course, being the unthinking, younger sister, she said yes, without even bothering to think about what repercussions this would have on all of us."

She started tearing up and fat droplets were squeezed out of her eyes. Anne put a comforting arm around her shoulders and Henn leant into the hug. Anne reached behind her and pulled out a tissue, handing it to Henn, who blew her nose, wiped her eyes, and took a breath to steady herself.

"I mean, Lou being engaged isn't a bad thing per say, but it's not exactly good timing is it? She hasn't even thought of what we would think, she didn't even think about me. I'm her sister and now that Charles, my boyfriend wants a _break._ which I told Lou all about, and she seems to have forgotten all about it. And what about the Harville's, what about Chris, his own sister was engaged to James, and look what happened to her-" she was cut off suddenly by Anne, who could clearly see and feel the tension rising quickly in the room

"Henn its not anyone's fault that they've decided to get married, if they _do_ go along with this marriage, then they'll have to face what ever consequences come their way. Louise is your sister, that's true, maybe she found a chance to be equally as happy as you, and James just happens to be that person. I think he truly loved, and still does love Felicity, but you have to remember, you can't mourn what you can no longer have forever, you've got to move on sometime. Another thing, Charles said he wanted a few days for a break, so that you could both spend sometime doing other things, you know he had planned to spend a few days away in town visiting his cousins, who have come all the way over from Australia for a week, remember he told you yesterday that he was introducing you to them before they leave, he just wanted to spend a few days catching up, that's all…"

Everyone had stopped to listen to Anne, the tension in the room disintegrated quickly, her reasoning making sense. I bowed my head, knowing that in at least one case, moving on wasn't always possible, not for me.

When I looked up again, I noticed a pair of eyes on me, they were Henrietta's. she was staring at me strangely as if she could see right past every façade, every wall I had put up to keep everyone away… which was probably true, her and her mother knew about Anne and me…

She wiped away the last vestiges of tears and smiled at me, a small smile, but a smile nonetheless. She leaned out of Anne's embrace slightly to look at her face, I looked at Anne too, who seemed lost in thought. She was biting her lower lip slightly, and I could see a minute furrow on her brow.

_What _was_ she thinking about?_

I silently sighed, knowing I probably would never find out… to distract myself from every thought running through my mind I decided to look around the room, and find someone or something else to stare at… I chose in the end to look at Charles and Mary, something which would never be my forte, but considering my options, they were the two people that interested me the most at the moment.

I looked carefully at Charles, he resembled his mother and sisters in his facial features, he had the same eyes and nose, but he had his father's face shape and chin. I looked at his wife, who was leaning heavily into him on the couch. I never got to speak to her much and from what I've seen, she's a sucker for sympathetic people, and one hell of a hypochondriac. I looked at them both, wondering what drew them to each other, what made their marriage work, why are they together? I shook my head slightly, knowing I would have to talk to Charles to find out why he loved this crazy woman…

In a way though, I could understand why, she was pretty, in a way, and she clearly loved him back. I wondered why Anne had refused him, he wasn't exactly poor or ugly, he made a good living and he was an honest, down to earth guy. _why_ did she say no? I looked away from the couple, knowing it wasn't doing any good at distracting me from thinking of Anne… it was just bringing up questions in my head that I had no answers to.

Before I could think of anything else to distract myself with, the doorbell rang. Everyone in the room suddenly went still, as if unsure what they should do… if it was Louise and James, there would be a lot of explaining to be done, and we would need to get comfortable, because this was going to take a long time to sort through everything, like answering the _why's _and the _when_ and the _please explain Everything's_… Mrs Musgrove decided it would be her duty to answer the door, each step seemed to be an effort for her, the look on her face as she almost shuffled past everyone was painful to look at.

It turns out it _was _James and Louise at the door, ready to give out any information that anyone wanted to know. Henrietta's anger dissipated when she saw her sister, and she was the first to run up and hug the happy couple.

The interrogation lasted longer than I though it would, there ended up being many please-explain-everything-from-start-to-finish-again's and I felt the tension in the room start to rise again, slowly, but still rising. I felt that now would be a good time to leave… I now knew everything of consequence, and I needed to get back to the Army Base and continue working on the blueprints for all the buildings I was designing…

I said my goodbye's to everyone, gave James one last hug, pulled Louise in for a small hug and kissed her forehead, I wished her happiness now, knowing all the _why's_. I nodded to Mary and Charles, looked briefly in Henrietta and Anne's direction and left the house.

The drive back to Kellynch Army Base was tough, every part of my being itched to go back to the Musgrove house, and just be near Anne, but I knew it was impossible, they way she spoke of moving on from a lost love made me realise that she probably has moved on, she probably had some guy hidden away secretly, maybe they had plans to elope and escape from the general craziness her family provided…

I was lost in my thoughts, imagining her in another man's arms, her smiling a him, the same way she once smiled at me… I gripped the steering wheel tight, my knuckles whitening under the strain. Pure anger rushed through me, even though I didn't fully understand why… Anne had my heart, and would always have it. There was no other woman in the whole world who could distract me from her. She was as close to perfection as I could see. She was selfless, good, caring, _beautiful._ I loosened my hold on the wheel, comforting myself with the thought that she had turned down another man, one who had been richer than me, one who had also seen her goodness. The one who had gone on to marry her younger sister.

I eventually reached the Army Base, just in time to see my brother in law, Adrian leave the crumbling Mess Hall. He noticed my car and made a beeline towards me. I gritted my teeth slightly, wondering if this unavoidable conversation would turn into an interrogation…

_well, there's only one way to find out…_

Taking a deep, reassuring breath I opened the car door to face him. He had waled more quickly than I was expecting, and he was already at the car door, waiting for me.

"Fred, you look like you've just seen Marilyn Monroe kissing Santa."

_Well.. I suppose this is what I'd look like if I saw that too…_

I stifled a snort and tried to compose my features into something that didn't look like I had just seen a dead pin-up girl kissing a mythological fat old man who stalked children on Christmas…I tried to smile, but it didn't feel right, but neither did a frown… in the end I managed to look indifferent and neutral… I think…

Adrian could see my struggling, and openly asked

"What happened?" _sometimes it's a good thing when people cut right to the chase…_

"James has gone and proposed the Musgrove girl who nearly died the other day, you know, the one who was playing in front of her brother's car and ended up being run over by some idiot on the road…"

The look on his face told me his response.. He knew about Felicity's death, and was there in Afghanistan with me when he found out about the accident. The similarities in situation didn't escape him either, he knew the marriage proposal and the car accident were crucial to the whole plot of this mess… he sighed heavily, something which I had been doing a lot of lately, and shrugged his shoulders, as if to say _'well, what's done is done…'_ he walked with me back to the Mess Hall where the council building and infrastructure approval officer was waiting, I had totally forgotten he was due today. The small smile on his face gave me the answers I was looking for, my designs for the Army Base upgrades had been approved…

The council man had confirmed my thoughts, telling me that my designs were considered to be appropriate and considerate of the type of ground that the Base was on. I wanted to roll my eyes at him for that, _of course I had thought of everything, that's why I'm using a frost protected concrete foundation, idiot._ he did give some even better news though, something which I hadn't been expecting.. My plans for the orphanage and homeless shelter were finally given a grant from the government, so we could start building straight away. _There's been one piece of thoroughly good news from today at least… _I had to admit, getting a grant for this building was something I had been hoping for, ever since our design team realised we were blowing our budget on the buildings, as in, blowing our budget off by almost 3 million dollars.

I sat with Adrian for an early lunch, before he headed out for a training session with the newest batch of recruits. I retrieved the Mess Hall blueprints from the dorm where I was staying and tried to lose myself in them. However, as much as I tried focusing on foundations, and walls, and insulation and load bearing points my mind kept being drawn to the kind of house I wanted to build for myself, and my future family, a family I once hoped, and still hope, would have Anne in it…

_Snap out of it Fred, remember what she said, you can't keep mourning over what is no longer yours. And Anne is _no longer yours.

I sighed, again, wondering what Anne had meant when she said that.. Could she possibly be thinking the same of me, when I first arrived in Kellynch, I had been quickly sought out by Louise and Henrietta, who I could see loved flirting. Even though I had no real interest in them, I decided to indulge them for a little while, at least until they found someone worth their while… which they had… Henrietta had Charles, even though they were 'on a break' and now Louise had James, which although unexpected.. wasn't entirely a bad thing.. I was beginning to think he would spend forever moping and grieving over Felicity… I though over our whole group, and how everyone was 'coupled' up… there was the Harvilles, Chris and Marleise; the senior Musgrove's; Mary and Charles; Henrietta and Charles Hayter; Louise and James; Sophie and Adrian… then, that left Anne and I.. not that I minded, but just because I was irrevocably in love with her, didn't mean that love was requited still…

I pushed the thoughts form my mind, knowing still that it was no use to ponder over them for too long.. It seemed to bring back some bad memories of us… but I refused to think of them now… I have work to get done. There were people to call, appointments to confirm, dates to be set and several building constructions I needed to supervise. Thinking constantly of an old flame would not be beneficial right now…

_Except that she will be using these new buildings, that is if she ends up accepting the job offer at the orphanage and shelter…_ _she'll be working at the Army Base soon, so I'll get to see her more often… that's one positive thing from overseeing everything…_

_I have got to stop thinking of her._

_I have got to stop thinking of her._

_I have got to stop thinking of Anne Elliot, potential love of my life._

_Damnit._


	10. Chapter 10

_previously: _

_"I have got to stop thinking of her._

I have got to stop thinking of her.

I have got to stop thinking of Anne Elliot, potential love of my life.

Damnit."  


I think I should just accept the fact that this girl is always going to be at the front of my mind, and nothing is more important to me than her. Goodness, look at me, I sound like some lovesick fool.

I suppose that is what I am though…

Another sigh blew through my lips, I inwardly wondered how many times I had sighed over the past week, and if anyone had been counting… I chuckled softly at that, wondering if the people around me had any clue as to what was going on in my mind right now…

Attempting to bring my focus back onto the blueprints failed, and I eventually gave up. I was still euphoric from everything, from finding out Anne might still love me, from hearing Louise and James' explanations for their rash decisions, from the approval of the much needed buildings.. It was like I was riding on a high, with the good things continuing to roll in…I wonder how long this high will last though, and what event will bring it down…

Days later, my concerns at my 'high' ending were met with something that would concern anyone… Robert Smiths was back in town, and was immediately introduced to the Elliot family.

A few days was all it took for events to transform, I kept in relatively close contact, but due to my workload, I couldn't go to the family dinners the Musgrove's held, as I was always stuck at the Base, working and overseeing the workers. It came to my knowledge that Walter and Elizabeth Elliot and Elizabeth's friend Penelope Clay had come back to Kellynch for a few days to check up on their house. Due to the sheer size of the place, I found that they had been staying as guests in their own home, guests to my sister and her husband, both of whom wholly disliked them both, because of what had transpired between Anne and myself.

One thing to know about Robert Smiths is that in the men's world, he has a reputation, a reputation for being a womanizer, and a scam artist, even though he's never been caught. Men have been advised to keep their girlfriends, wives and daughters as well as their money away from him. But clearly, as stupid as the man is, Walter Elliot took no notice of these warnings, and introduced himself to the man at the local bar. An apparent friendship grew between the two of them, and Elizabeth, Penelope and Anne were immediately introduced to Robert Smiths. _I don't like this, I don't like this at all._

I kept in frequent phone contact with Henrietta, who was anxious to keep me informed of what Robert was up to. Sometimes the things she said made me want to smash the phone… and others made me want to jump for joy… Robert was trying to flirt with Anne, by following her, or escorting her to the Musgrove's.. trying to be _gentlemanly _to her. The good news was, was that she didn't appear to be falling for his charm. Which was a good thing.

The weekend could not have come quickly enough, and as soon as Saturday came around, I immediately made plans to see the Musgrove's _and Anne_. We agreed to meet for lunch at the Musgrove house, as it was the centre point for everything else we had done together as a group. I decided to arrive their early, just for something to do. When I got there, my heart soared when I saw that Charles and Mary's car was already in the driveway…

My soaring heart was quickly brought back to earth when I reached the door. Henrietta and Charles Hayter (recently _reunited) _were standing at the open door to welcome me in. Henrietta looked at me with an expression that told me everything before she opened her mouth…

"Anne's not here Fred, she's practically being held hostage by her father and her sister, and that _snake_ Smiths." _the venom in her voice made a little scared of her…_

She really wasn't here. My heart fell even further.

"I phoned her this morning to try and get her to come, but her father said she was to spend the day with them. I'll try ringing her again in a few minutes, see if she can make it at all."

The pain in my heart must've been reflected into my face, because Henn twisted out of her boyfriend's grip and pulled me down into a tight hug.

"_We're doing everything we can to get you two together Freddy,_" she whispered "_it's taking longer than I wanted it to, and I filled Lou and my brother and Charles in on everything, and I assume Mary knows as well, and they've all agreed to help get you two back together." _she leaned back, not letting go of my shoulders, to read my expression, I hadn't bothered to change it, and I quickly composed it into what I hoped didn't look like I'd just found out I may not be seeing the love of my life today…

I don't know if I managed to convince anyone, but I did manage to get through the morning without taking off to where the Elliot's and that Smiths guy were and kidnapping Anne myself. I hoped they weren't torturing her too badly… I know she hates tea parties with every fibre of her being.

It was nearing midday when Henrietta finally convinced Anne to escape, the Elliot _tea party_ had ended and Anne was free to leave. She arrived a few minutes later, clearly harassed and distressed. She was biting her lip in a way that would not bode well for it and creases lined her forehead. Henrietta ran towards her first, enveloping her in a huge hug. I saw Anne rest her head on Henn's shoulders, and I knew something important was the matter. But when they let go of each other, Anne's face was composed into a careful, neutral and blank face. She smiled at everyone, hugged her younger sister, brother-in-law, and the senior Musgrove's, who were beginning to insist that we call them by their first names, William and Jane.

Everything paled into insignificance when she sat down in the only available seat in the living room, the spot was conveniently next to me. I couldn't help but stare at her, even though her head was angled in such a way that I knew she couldn't see me. She was wearing a shapeless jumble of clothes, jeans that were too long, and a jumper that was too big, it swallowed her figure. I didn't like this Anne, I wanted her to wear something elegant, something… Anne-ish. Well, at least something that the Anne I remember would wear. Her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, exposing her neck and collarbones. I swallowed, remembering…

A thought struck me out of the blue, even though it didn't surprise me, she was tiny, thin, bordering on the edge of utter frailty. Her skin had the look of being pale and off colour, as though she was suffering a great sickness. I wondered, was she sick? Were the prescriptions for anti-depressants masking a more frightening illness, not that depression itself wasn't frightening, but depression could be recovered from, other debilitating illnesses however, could be fatal… and I know exactly what would happen if she left me alone in this world now… I would simply follow her.

I couldn't let myself think of that now though, I had to enjoy the moment, the feel of having her sit next to me again… it had nothing on the way I wished to go back to the night in the hospital, where we were so close, and she was so warm…

Another thought struck me, I couldn't have been so easy to read surely? How did Henrietta and the others find out about the past between Anne and myself. I'm almost certain Anne told no one, and I had only confirmed it recently to my sister, and the only other person who I had told everything too was Mitchell, that all-seeing guy from the Army Base, I had met him briefly in Afghanistan were I was teaching locals on how to design structurally sound buildings, and he was assigned as a group bodyguard to protect us from trouble…

I shook my head infinitesimally, trying to focus solely on the room I was in, and the occupants. Being around her was harder than I expected, and everything about her made my head swirl. Being around her made me feel… almost… drunk. I was an odd thing, and I hoped my actions weren't of the kind that people easily noticed…

I tried to focus even harder on what was going on in the room, trying to make sense of the conversation around me. The girls were planning on spending some girly time outside, sun tanning by the pool, and reading girly magazines and other weird girly things… the guys wanted to go swimming, but none of us our swimmers, and nor did we want to join the ladies in what was sure to turn into a gossip session…

In the end we compromised, we agreed to quickly go back to our respective houses to grab swimmers and would come back and spend a few of the sunny hours in the pool. Driving to and from the Army Base went more quickly than what I was expecting, I felt as though I was on a high again… or still…I didn't know, and nor did I want it to end.

By the time all us guys were ready to go swimming, all the girls had congregated around the pool, Anne was dangling her feet in the water whilst Louise and Henrietta were sunbaking on towels, Mary was cowering under the umbrella, applying a heap of sunscreen to both herself and little Daniel, who was already wearing his inflatable floaties and swimmers. Charles came over to where Mary and Daniel were and helped his wife cover their son with sunscreen. Once they were done, he picked the boy up and leaned down to kiss Mary's cheek. It was almost sweet to watch the two of them interact… even though I still couldn't figure out what drew them to each other…

Bundling up the six year old into his arms, Charles took a leap into the pool, causing a huge splash of water, James jumped in next followed by me, only I didn't jump in… I resurfaced to see that I had been unceremoniously been pushed in by both Charles Hayter and Mr Musgrove, who were standing on the edge of the pool, laughing. Mr Musgrove reached out to fist bump Charles, who eagerly put his fist out in return. Instead of the usual collision of fists, Mr Musgrove grabbed the boys wrist and threw him in too.

_Now that was funny._

Everyone watched as the kid eventually resurfaced, face as red as a beetroot. Everyone was laughing at his misfortune, but a quick glance at me, confirmed what kind of revenge we should get on the old man… striking forward quickly we grabbed one of his ankles each, and pulled. His entrance into the water was a lot less graceful than ours had been, and the look on his face as he dove towards the water made me wish I was holding a camera… a water fight ensued between the guys, most of us getting splashed by Daniel, surprisingly… that kid was clever and he knew when to send a wave of water at someone.

Our impromptu water fight ended when James threw water at the sunbaking girls, who screamed and started shouting nonsensical abuse at us. Mary was sitting with Mrs Musgrove under the huge umbrella and they were safely out of reach of the water. It was clear the others wanted to get the girls in the water, and they all got out of the pool and raced to their respective partners. Charles pushed Daniel towards me before getting out of the pool to get his wife, and the boy paddled towards me. Upon reaching me, he latched onto my arm and whispered

"_we should get aunty Anne in the pool, she's on the edge, we should pull her in."_

If I didn't like this kid before, I certainly do now.

I agreed with him and I helped him swim over to where Anne was dangling her feet in the water. Daniel tugged at her feet and ankles, trying his hardest to pull her in. She, however didn't understand his intentions and was looking at us both strangely. To make sure that Daniel didn't get upset, or hurt, I pulled him back slightly and reached up for her arm. The looked at me slightly alarmed, but I reassured her by smiling and looking at Daniel, who reached for her other arm. Looking at the sudden commotion behind her, as well as the two girls already thrown into the pool, her eyes widened as she understood our intentions. Her feet shot out of the water too late and I pulled her forward towards me. Daniel had let go of my arm and had moved to Anne's other side as she slid quickly into the pool, and into my arms. Both of us went under as the fall was a little further than she was expecting.

_Not that I minded…_

A second later we resurfaced , her gasping for air and me laughing at the girl who was still securely in my arms. She swivelled in my grasp, clearly looking for Daniel, who had used our moment underwater to make an escape. He had not gotten far though, I let go of Anne so she could prank her nephew back, instantly regretting my action, as the water that filled the space where she had been, seemed colder, and more empty. I turned towards her again, just in time to see her pick the unsuspecting boy up and throw him into the air, allowing him to crash back into the pool. She then held on securely to him and tickled him, childishly growling in his ear, threatening to deflate his floaties and teach him to swim properly.

Daniel squealed as his aunt tickled him, laughing until he was reduced to hiccups, all the while begging for someone to 'save him'. I swam past them to help get the last girl into the pool, Henrietta, who was still cleverly avoiding capture and managing to resist all attempts to be thrown into the pool. Daniel reached out for me in sheer desperation, laughing, hiccupping and wriggling all at the same time, I couldn't help but add

"you got yourself into that one Danny, I was merely an accomplice in your evil schemes…"

_Usually one would say 'unwilling accomplice' but I wasn't exactly unwilling… was I?_

Daniel put on his most martyred expression, begging for me to help him. I glanced over at Henrietta who was being cornered by her boyfriend and her father as well as her brother. Knowing they would get her in themselves, I decided to go help the poor kid before Anne decided she had forgiven him…

_It was, essentially, just another excuse to be near her, and possibly share physical touch… but… two birds… one stone…_

I swam back over to Daniel and Anne, who had decided to play along and hold him hostage. I reached out my hands to pretend to rescue the kid, but she managed to keep a firm grip on him… she had shed her lumpy jumper before going out into the sun, and had been wearing a white sleeveless top underneath, showing off her arms. She didn't look as fragile now she wasn't hidden so much, and she looked toned and healthy… and radiant now that she was in the pool and having fun. Even the worries that were etched onto her face when she first arrived had dissolved…

I snapped back and focused n rescuing my little comrade, who was still being tickled. I knew Anne was ticklish and I remembered I used to love sneaking up behind her and poking her in the ribs… _would it still work?_… I decided to give it a go, and managed to get behind her. I swam up close to her back, and unthinkingly put my hands on her hips. I wasn't prepared for the familiarity of our positions, and I reacted impulsively. Thinking quickly, to cover my mistake, I used my hands on her hips to anchor her in one place. I leaned my head over her shoulder and whispered "_Tickle her" _to Daniel.

My advice was quickly taken and soon Anne was one wriggling and squirming. To escape from the onslaught she turned in towards me, and tried to hide in my arms, but Daniel refused to stop and kept poking her ribs. I winked at him and let my arms wrap around her waist fully_ just like at the hospital…_ she froze slightly at my actions before she reacted once more to Daniels tickling. I pulled my arms back slightly, so my hands were at he sides again, still anchoring her in the one spot. She leaned back away from me warily, as if she understood my intentions.

_We'd been there and done the exact same thing once before, although technically last time we were dry, and alone. But I still hugged her the same way… and had loosened my hold on her similarly, before tickling the life out of her… but surely she wouldn't remember such subtleties… _

It turns out she did, because she leaned back even further and tried to blow a raspberry at Daniel, who neatly dodged it. I still held onto her hips though and I slowly pulled her back towards me. As she stood upright again, I began to move my hands away, beginning to tickle her. The sudden tickle caused her to jerk to the other side… she looked me in the eyes again, and I saw the mischievousness in my eyes reflected on hers.. Surely by now she knew what was coming…

She did. Only it wasn't just me tickling her, by now Daniel, Louise, and a newly soaked Henrietta had joined in on the fun… making Anne squeal and giggle and squirm. Everyone soon joined in on the tickle fest, and once again, it ended up being a 'couple's thing… Anne, Daniel and I were the first to stop, all three of us suffering sore ribs from laughing so hard… once everyone had finished we decided it was time to get out, as the sky was beginning to darken… and no one was game enough to stay in when Mary started complaining about getting cold…

After a hot shower each and a change of clothes, we ended up sitting in the Musgrove's lounge room, munching on take-away pizza. I sat there, slowly eating mine, thinking over the day. Physical contact with Anne was a lot easier when it was impromptu, it was easier because it felt so natural, and something that I was used to. I looked down next to me, Daniel had decided to sit between me and Anne, and it was clear that he was exhausted from all the fun. His head was beginning to droop over his plate and his yawns were becoming more frequent by the minute.

Apparently giving in to his exhaustion Daniel leaned forward and pushed his plate onto the dining table, before leaning into my side. It was an awkward feeling for a few seconds, having never had a small child so close to me, but it was kind of comforting to know he trusted me. Danny managed to sneak under my arm, and soon he was fast asleep. Everyone seemed to notice this because all the conversations became hushed whispers.

It was a few minutes before anyone spoke above their hushed whispers, Mrs Musgrove called across the room that it might be easier for Daniel to sleep better if he slept in their spare room until it was time for us to depart for the evening. I replied that I didn't know where the spare room was…

_I think I sense some match-making about to happen…_

"Anne knows which room it is, don't you dear?" said Henrietta _I was right.._

Anne nodded and put her empty plate down on top of Daniel's. she stood up and motioned for me to follow, not that her motioning was necessary… if she decided to lead me anywhere, I would follow her… _maybe…_

She lead the way down a hallway and into a small room at the end. It was clearly Charles' former room, the blue paint on the walls combined with faded football team posters lining the walls all signalled that the room once house a Liverpool FC supporting boy. She turned on the light and walked towards the bed, pulling back the covers so I could put Daniel down. I lay him down and stepped back, allowing Anne to cover him up. She pulled the covers right up to his chin and kissed his forehead, murmuring

"_sweet dreams sweetheart."_

I swear, that if it wasn't completely inappropriate, borderline disturbing, I would've wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close to me, and kissed her. But it _was_ inappropriate, so I didn't. I did however unconsciously lean towards her, looking over her shoulder as she straightened up. She turned towards me, and in an instant our eyes met, and I could see her properly. Without the walls she had put up, without the fake smiles she put on for everyone… she was hurting… and I knew I must've been the cause.

Or was I? she looked towards the ground and I could see a hint of blush grace her beautiful cheeks. I considered the options, either it was me that was hurting her, just by being around, or else she'd had a crap day. _what had her family done to her?_ I mentally wished that where ever they were that they were in pain. I wanted to reach out for her again, hold her close like I had done in the pool. But I knew it would be impossible, the others would be out in the lounge awaiting our return… but they all knew about us by now.. So surely they wouldn't be too surprised by a lengthy disappearance… that is, if Anne wanted it…

Brushing past me softly, she reached the door and exited the room, leaving me to turn off the light and follow her back to the lounge. Maybe she wanted to get away from me… maybe she had just spent the day being charmed by Robert Smiths and had finally bent unwillingly to Henrietta and Louise's wishes for company… I considered this, that I had a new rival for Anne's affections, and hoped that this wasn't the case.

_I'll smash Smiths to bits if he even thinks about it. She's mine._

I followed her back to the lounge room and sat down in my spot next to her. The gap that Daniel had filled was now a void of nothing but tension between us. It kind of felt as though we had done something secretly explicit and decided to not kiss and tell.. Only it wasn't that we had kissed.. _although I wouldn't have minded if we did…_ and the tension between us was solely because of us still being slightly uncomfortable around each other… well that's what it was for me… I didn't know about Anne…

My reverie was interrupted by Henrietta…

"So, Fred, now that you've discovered the joys of looking after kids, any plans to have you own?"

_That girl, along with Mary, and the other Musgrove's are going to be the death of me._

"hmm," I replied "I've got to find the right girl first."

_She may be sitting next to me, bur I'm not going to give the others satisfaction knowing I've been backed into a corner on this one… even though I have been…_

"Well," exclaimed Mrs Musgrove, standing up to collect our plates, "we'd better hurry up and help you find her then, you're already starting to turn into a grumpy old man…"

"I'm not a grumpy old man." I defended.

"yet." said Louise cheekily.

Anne stood up and helped Mrs Musgrove carry the plates to the kitchen, and we all sat in silence and listened to the playful argument that ensued…

"_No dear, you don't need to help clean up, go back out and spend some time with the others, I'll do it myself dearest, you needn't bother anyways, it's much to clean." _persisted Mrs Musgrove…

"_In that case then, if there's not much to clean… then it wont take very long, will it. I'm happy to help, and you should know me well enough by now to know that regardless of what you say, I'm going to help you." _replied Anne.

Let's just say Anne won that argument, hands down.

She was right, cleaning the dishes took no longer than five minutes, I know because I was counting the seconds that I couldn't see her. She, along with Mrs Musgrove were talking as the cleaned, but the voices were muffled by the kitchen door. I did however hear a plan suggested by Mrs Musgrove for a small party in honour of her accepting the job at the Army Base. This struck me as odd, she already had a stable job at the Kellynch doctors surgery… I knew she had been offered the position at the Army Base, but when I arrived, I wasn't exactly expecting her to accept it.

_Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it's not just me who's missing our relationship. Maybe I'm not the only one trying to reconcile here.. Just maybe…_


End file.
